Aegis Raiu wrote: ↑
Mon Apr 15, 2019 2:20 pm
- Name of those involved: Killy Lohr, General Kwang Li, Medea, Kingpin, Darius and Mei
- Seat of those involved: Humans
- Link to spar & mission: Scars
I must say that I did enjoy the kind of training system Darius laid down for his son, an iron Dad must surely beget an Iron son…. This seems to make the storyline interesting. However, there are some things that went wrong in your roleplay. For example;
Killy had been left at the entrance of the casino with a forged ID. 'May we see your ID sir?... said the bouncers, and he flipped it open for them. 'Alright, you may go in.' Sliding back his ID into his wallet and flipping it back into his black tuxedo, he looked all too real.
'Can I help you with anything boy?' Asked kingpin,
In the above words you didn’t give detailed description of the bouncers’s attire or facial appearance. In my opinion this is considered to be bad roleplay, it doesn’t matter whether the characters are relevant or not but as a roleplayer you have to make things well detailed, things or people that makes contact with the main character. The right questions would be; how did the kingpin looked like? did he have a tanned face with thin eyebrows? In fact, saying that Kingpin wore a white attire hardly described him(even if you displayed his pics). What about his bodyguards? What do they look like?. All this are major things you shouldn’t neglect in roleplaying.
Also, Killy had it way too easy ambushing an expert like Kingpin, it would have been better or considered okay if Killy’s stats or battle prowess was way higher than Kingpin but with the way Killy took him down seemed like a walk in the park. And note that this is an opponent that easily took down Killy in their first exchange.
Yelling while getting up on his feet with a bloodied face, Killy rushed and jumped on the man from behind, and stabbed him numerous times on the chest, and kept stabbing and even when kingpin was down he just kept stabbing until he mangled his face and body beyond recognition.
This is GM, although I expected you to use a good ambushing tactics or deception to divert Kingpin’s attention, probably by using a nearby tool or object in the environment or if you possess one so that you can use that as an advantage to surprise him and make him pay for turning his back on you but instead you did otherwise. A capable expert like the Kingpin should have seen your attack coming despite your cheap ambush.
Overall this would have been a wonderful roleplay but your mistakes gave you away and so you deserve a C
grade with 2 CBS points. However, I see great improvement after this review if you can learn from the mistakes I pointed out.