Mission & Spar Review Thread

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Phantom-T
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Mission & Spar Review Thread

#1

Post by Phantom-T » Tue Sep 25, 2018 3:58 am

This an area where you can submit finished spars & Mission for review.

Registration Format:
  • Name of those involved:
  • Seat of those involved:
  • Link to spar & mission:
  • Link to character profiles:


Grading will be based on RP performance on a letter scale from S-F:
  • S: Superior performance. Posts have excellent length and amount of detail and are clearly well thought out. Post also show superior knowledge of the techniques and abilities available and each are used with expert efficiency. Truly an example of going above and beyond. Overall a spar with very, very few flaws.
    Reward for Grade:5
  • A: An example of top tier RP. Posts are of great length and detail. Proof that one knows what they are doing. Overall a spar with mistakes here and there, but nothing critical.
    Reward for Grade:4
  • B: A performance among the finer levels of RP. Above average in all fields earns this grade. A level of RP for the truly skilled, though there is room for improvement. Overall a solid performance with mistakes every now and then, some minor, and possibly very few that are a bit more serious, but nothing too troubling.
    Reward for Grade:3
  • C: An all around average performance. Nothing of Legendary status, but still decent work. An example of great potential and improving skill, but still there is much to work on. Overall all a decent performance, OK in both quality and detail. Some major mistakes here and there, and possibly a little GM, but nothing too drastic.
    Reward for Grade:2
  • D: Definitely a clear sign that things need to be refined. Little to no detail, and posts are short. Overall a performance with a number of obvious mistakes, and clearly shows that a bit of help is needed. GM'ing is apparent in several post here.
    Reward for Grade: 1
  • F: One and only true failing grade, where performance is in need of drastic improvements. Detail is or almost non-existent, and posts are borderline spam. GM'ing is frequent and over the top. Overall a performance that clearly shows that a lot of help is needed.
    No reward for this Grade



Last edited by Phantom-T on Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:45 pm, edited 2 times in total. word count: 359
Reason: Adjusting to Account for the new forum wide Solo and Spar Review list

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konami31
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#2

Post by konami31 » Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:20 am

Name of those involved: Wuji and Hanzo
Seat of those involved: 3rd and 4th seat
Link to spar & mission:viewtopic.php?f=216&t=437
Link to character profiles:viewtopic.php?f=210&t=430
word count: 35
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#3

Post by konami31 » Sun Sep 30, 2018 6:46 am

Name of those involved: Wuque and others
Seat of those involved: Vice captain
Link to spar & mission: viewtopic.php?f=232&t=445
Link to character profiles:viewtopic.php?f=210&t=430]
Last edited by konami31 on Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:18 am, edited 2 times in total. word count: 33
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#4

Post by Phantom-T » Sun Oct 07, 2018 10:59 pm

konami31 wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:20 am
Name of those involved: Wuji and Hanzo
Seat of those involved: 3rd and 4th seat
Link to spar & mission:viewtopic.php?f=216&t=437
Link to character profiles:viewtopic.php?f=210&t=430
Done.

konami31 wrote:
Sun Sep 30, 2018 6:46 am
Name of those involved: Wuji, Toka and an enemy
Seat of those involved:
Link to spar & mission:viewtopic.php?f=216&t=445&p=2627#p2627
Link to character profiles:viewtopic.php?f=210&t=430]
Done.
word count: 91

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Akugaranwa Itachi
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#5

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Wed Oct 24, 2018 6:01 am

► Show Spoiler

Name of those involved: Arthur Dayne
Seat of those involved: Vice Captain/Zanpackto spirit
Link to spar & mission:[Link]
Link to character profile:[Link]
Last edited by Akugaranwa Itachi on Wed Oct 24, 2018 6:03 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 40
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#6

Post by konami31 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 9:43 am

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Wed Oct 24, 2018 6:01 am
► Show Spoiler

Name of those involved: Arthur Dayne
Seat of those involved: Vice Captain/Zanpackto spirit
Link to spar & mission:[Link]
Link to character profile:[Link]
I will give this a grade C because you made several mistakes in spellings of words and also ignoring the use of punctuation when it is necessary. You also use danku a high level kido which is impossible for you to cast given you current CBS stats. This is considered as big godmode and also with your speed and other abilities it's meaningless to use such a spell to avoid getting hit by your zanpakuto spirit. Another aspect you neglect is that when doing bankai training, your zanpakuto spirit should have materialized in the real world instead of your inner world. This shows that you are ignorant about bankai training, it goes wrong with the thread topic in my opinion. The whole write up is average the way i see it, below are the mistakes you made in your solo.

Spelling errors:
Arthur took a meditative position as he began calling out his zanpackto.
You made several mistakes by spelling zanpakuto wrongly, it’s not zanpacto but zanpakuto
Arthur's blackened eyes gazed upon the lightning shapped in the form of swords of various size
Shaped should not be spelled as shapped.

Ommision of punctuation:
1."So you came back, things didn't turn out well for you the last time" A voice called out to Arthur, a voice he was very familiar with,

2. "I am not afraid of you! Now I came to learn more from you if you won't teach me then what's the point of me coming here?

3. "Watch and learn He would say as he began to gather electric current from his surroundings to"
Failing to add full-stop and other punctuation when needed, you should pay too all this when writing a solo in order to get a good grade. You made so many errors in neglecting punctuation marks but i just decided to list the few ones.
Last edited by konami31 on Sat Oct 27, 2018 9:45 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 368
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#7

Post by konami31 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:17 am

Name of those involved: Wuque and others
Seat of those involved: Vice captain
Link to spar & mission: viewtopic.php?f=216&t=526&p=3335#p3335
Link to character profiles:viewtopic.php?f=210&t=430]
word count: 36
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#8

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sun Dec 23, 2018 12:56 pm

Name of those involved: Arthur Dayne and the Underground prisoner.
Seat of those involved: Vice captain
Link to spar & mission:

Link]
word count: 21
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#9

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:08 am

Name of those involved: Arthur Dayne and Akira Shinoda
Seat of those involved: Vice captain/3rd Seat
Link: [Link]
word count: 19
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#10

Post by Aegis Raiu » Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:06 pm

°Name of those involved: Darius Lohr and Killy Lohr
°Seat of those involved: Captain and Vice Captain
°Link to spar & mission: Link
°Link to character profiles: Darius Lohr and Killy Lohr
Last edited by Aegis Raiu on Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total. word count: 31
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#11

Post by konami31 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:00 am

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Sun Dec 23, 2018 12:56 pm
Name of those involved: Arthur Dayne and the Underground prisoner.
Seat of those involved: Vice captain
Link to spar & mission:

Link]
Mission review:
This can't be considered a combat solo but an ordinary mission, though the plot was a bit okay and nothing much to consider except for the myriad of spellings errors, disregard of punctuation in your write-ups which can be somewhat overlooked, though i don't want to point them out because they are much. Also, I love how you walked your way down the prison to interrogate a prisoner about the information you wanted but the man's first answer seemed to be unlcear. for example;
"They have began to make their move, I hear them talk about the big break during lunch time and it seems someone deep within the upper level is controlling things down here up to the very last bottom. As a master in observing reiatsu fluctuations I can tell from the silent reiatsu leakage and movement that they communicate in a form of moss code from the guy untop. First they plan to get rid of the Kidō Corp members as they post the greatest threat to their plan.
When you used the word "They" Who and whom were you referring to?
halfway through with his sentence Arthur's blade was drawn with the tip pointed at the man's throat ready to slit his Adam's apple at moments notice. ?You Bastard? Arthur said as he moved to separate the man from his neck and just as he moved the man spoke hurriedly in a bid to safe himself.
Secondly, i don't think Arthur needed to go far to threaten the prisoner since, he is cooperating with you and from the start the man had already yielded without any resistance and you needing to torture or threaten him. While all this are not major issue, i still want to point it out so that you will be careful when preparing a story like this.

Finally, i will give this a grade "C"because this solo is not a combat rp despite how decent the plot might be. I want to point out that getting a higher grade would have been possible if combat was involve between Arthur and the other party. You should work on that next time when writing a solo of this nature. Finally, you will be awarded with two soul points.
Last edited by konami31 on Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 416
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#12

Post by Phantom-T » Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:32 pm

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:08 am
Name of those involved: Arthur Dayne and Akira Shinoda
Seat of those involved: Vice captain/3rd Seat
Link: [Link]
Sorry, I would like you to Resubmit this request with a link to your characters stats as at the moment of this encounter.. Or better still if possible leave it in a spoiler within the thread
word count: 65

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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#13

Post by Kira-duh-savage » Mon Jan 14, 2019 8:45 am

Name of those involved: Nobunaga and Lobo
Seat of those involved: 5th seat and Adjuchas
Link to spar & mission:viewtopic.php?f=212&t=547&p=3580#p3580
Link to character profiles:http: viewtopic.php?f=212&t=547&p=3580#p3580
word count: 42
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#14

Post by Phantom-T » Tue Jan 29, 2019 4:01 am

konami31 wrote:
Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:17 am
Name of those involved: Wuque and others
Seat of those involved: Vice captain
Link to spar & mission: LINK
Link to character profiles:roleplay/viewtopic.php?f=210&t=430]
DONE: View mission link for grade

Aegis Raiu wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:06 pm
°Name of those involved: Darius Lohr and Killy Lohr
°Seat of those involved: Captain and Vice Captain
°Link to spar & mission: Link
°Link to character profiles: Darius Lohr and Killy Lohr
DONE: View mission link for grade
word count: 91

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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#15

Post by konami31 » Wed Feb 06, 2019 7:31 am

Kira-duh-savage wrote:
Mon Jan 14, 2019 8:45 am
Name of those involved: Nobunaga and Lobo
Seat of those involved: 5th seat and Adjuchas
Link to spar & mission:viewtopic.php?f=212&t=547&p=3580#p3580
Link to character profiles:http: viewtopic.php?f=212&t=547&p=3580#p3580

Mission Review:
Although this is not your main character but revealing the CBS stats about him in a spoiler is a wise decision. In truth i didn't even see basic info of your character's Zanpakuto in the spoiler tag and despite the link you submitted which makes me find it a bit difficult to know the true abilities of this your character(presumably your second character).But you sure gave a good description about Nobunaga's zan abilities in the third-to the last paragraph, which shows that you know what to do to convince the reader that you are at the right path. Anyway, i found your roleplay very good it shows that your write-ups is solid and you know what you were doing. However, you made so many errors in using punctuation with few spelling errors but be sure to be careful when doing so in the future or when writing a solo of this nature. And before reading the below comments on your review, be sure not to apply shadows to your text next time...... it became somewhat difficult to read for me.

''Hadō#1, Shō.'' Using the palm of his free left hand, Nobunaga slammed an outburst of raw kinetic energy into the top of the sword's hilt. Due to the introduction of Shō and the peculiarity of its application, the black haired Shinigami's palm basically become an hammer, and the sword itself a makeshift chisel. Hence caused to thrust through the Beast's thickened abdominal muscles with tremendous force, blade tip projecting out the back bleeding crimsoned juice. ''Tsuzuri,'' Brilliant golden sparks ignited down the whole length of the katana held in hand, but not before inviting the entirety of the Werebeast to join in that very electrical festivity. ''Raiden.'' concluded Nobunaga. He watched the creature burn and smelled its fur roast, yet there was no satisfaction in his eyes.
Great tactics! Great use of low level kido…… truly worthy of a keen mind. Indeed your use of kido was well timed in this situation.
However, the immobile beast suddenly acted; with a low growl escaping its lungs, the creature swelled vigorously with spiritual energy just before it pulsed in full body, releasing a massive omnidirectional wave of pale white reiatsu that galloped forth into the surrounding space. The blast caught the dark haired shinigami off guard, knocking him dozens of metres backwards. The sheer force of Nobunaga's instant displacement was such that it immediately sent him crashing through the walls of a building at the extreme of his trajectory_subsequently collapsing the entire structure into slabs and chunks of concrete underneath which he would have been buried.

Rock powder billowed into the atmosphere, clouding it in thick dust. Shortly afterwards, Nobunaga bursted out of the stacked/heaped rubble only to stand atop it with barely a scathe to his person.
However, this is where you got me thinking…….. With the surprised attack executed by the enemy you shouldn’t have come out without having a fracture or damage from that blast due to the momentum and force generated from the blast, yet you came out with barely scathed even if your durability is a bit above average. Do note that you weren’t even protected with your reiatsu when the attack slammed against your body and you seem to ignore the damage which is wrong the way i see it. So how is it that you came out almost unscathed??
; Lobo had already struck out with a clenched fist, pounding hard against the upper back with a resounding bang. At the precise point of impact, the were beast's knuckle brum a brilliant crimson just before discharging an energy blast pointblank. Bala.

The black-haired shinigami should have been sent flying by the impact force of the blast, with a gaping hollow gorged into the chest, but through unidentified means he eventually managed to stand his ground while remaining apparently unscathed. Later distancing himself from Lobo, he came to speak as follows


With the statement bolded in red color, i conlcude that it was your real body that got hit by the fist and also a bala but the description on how you came out unscathed seemed to be vague in this paragraph. But still you should have roleplayed that part well with good details but you didn't which is wrong on your path.However, i see that you did mentioned how your abilities work in the next paragraph and how you survived it. Yet you use the word "Undefined means" which i don't quite understand here.

Above all, this is a solid roleplay one deserving of higher grade since it wasn't one-sided and we saw a lot from the Lobo but the roleplay wasn't concluded well, and this will somewhat affect your grade because we didn't get to see the outcome of the battle nor did we get to see if Nobunaga triumph and became the Hero or whether the beast managed to tip the scales of the battle and flee since Nobunaga had shikai to support him in this battle. Still, i will give this a "B" grade because the roleplay was done with great length and beyond average despite some errors and mistakes from your part and given with the mistakes i pointed out.
word count: 948
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#16

Post by Indra » Mon Feb 18, 2019 3:36 am

Name of those involved:Kira and Promethazine
Seat of those involved: 3rd seat and recruit
Link to spar & mission: [5th division]Promethazine's trial
Link to character profiles: [5th division]Urakara Promethazine & Seraph kira
Last edited by Indra on Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:33 am, edited 4 times in total. word count: 34
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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#17

Post by Phantom-T » Sat Mar 23, 2019 12:19 am

Indra wrote:
Mon Feb 18, 2019 3:36 am
Name of those involved:Kira and Promethazine
Seat of those involved: 3rd seat and recruit
Link to spar & mission: [5th division]Promethazine's trial
Link to character profiles: [5th division]Urakara Promethazine & Seraph kira
@Indra The Link to this spar is broken. Readjust and submit again.
word count: 55

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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#18

Post by Phantom-T » Mon Apr 01, 2019 3:38 am

  • Name of those involved: Younger Hazuki, Drax, Razor, Gandozy, Tsuki, Haruno, Takao, Dominic, Kaiser
  • Seat of those involved: All senior officer Class, apart from Kaiser captain class
  • Link to spar & mission: Time capsule- A tale of the past
  • Link to character profiles: None available
word count: 44

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Re: Mission & Spar Review Thread

#19

Post by Aegis Raiu » Mon Apr 15, 2019 2:20 pm

  • Name of those involved: Killy Lohr, General Kwang Li, Medea, Kingpin, Darius and Mei
  • Seat of those involved: Humans
  • Link to spar & mission: Scars
word count: 24
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