Roleplay Workshop

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Phantom-T
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#41

Post by Phantom-T » Wed May 29, 2019 6:59 pm

Fluxarc wrote:
Mon May 27, 2019 5:22 am

NEW MISSION!

Fleshing out Kara's backstory as I work on forward-facing story lines.

REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST

Review!!!

Yep, Leave this to me.
word count: 34

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#42

Post by Phantom-T » Mon Jun 10, 2019 10:26 am

Fluxarc wrote:
Mon May 27, 2019 5:22 am

NEW MISSION!

Fleshing out Kara's backstory as I work on forward-facing story lines.

REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST

Review!!!

Sorry for the delay, but guess what I've got.
Mission Review
THE YANA CHRONICLES
REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST





YEARS AGO
Length
This was a nice short one. Length wise, it was within average but felt arguably shorter when I got to it. It was engaging to say the least and played out the storyline in a mentally stimulating manner.

Word Organization & presentation.
Coming over to your word play, I must say it's kinda hard to imagine you faulter in this scope. YoU made good use of your space and kept it short and simple to ease the mind. The dialogue was not bad either and you potrayed their actions, thoughts, and emotions expertly well.

Storyline Creativity & Power play.
The solo stuck to its title which was impresive and annoying at thesame time. At one point i was expecting something more maybe a little show of the power hidden within, but i came to relaize i had no authorization to see beyond her dreams. At least not yet. However, the story gave good insight into her past and sadly kept us wanting more.

In Conclusion
Going by the nature of this solo, I would award this an "A" for its neat and we'll thought out presentation. Naturally would have given this a "B" for its Length and passive nature but I believe a good writeup deserves it's own reward.

Mission Grade: "A" = 4 CBS points.
Pls. Update all required records as soon as possible
Last edited by Phantom-T on Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 276

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#43

Post by Fluxarc » Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:08 am

REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!


Spar between myself and a maniac!

RAGE OF THE LIGHTNING GOD

Any takers?
word count: 15
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#44

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:41 am

Fluxarc wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:08 am
REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!


Spar between myself and a maniac!

RAGE OF THE LIGHTNING GOD

Any takers?
Sure, I'll.
word count: 27

Spirited away, One strides on the axis of death and alongside despair. Knowledge isn't finite, Our limit is Us.
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#45

Post by konami31 » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am

Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
word count: 16
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#46

Post by Phantom-T » Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:10 am

konami31 wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am
Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
I've got this
Last edited by Phantom-T on Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 29

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#47

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:59 am

Fluxarc wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:08 am
REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!


Spar between myself and a maniac!

RAGE OF THE LIGHTNING GOD

Any takers?
A good intro from both sides, a decent exchange of dialogue and an actual look towards how the spar would play out.

Word Play, Grammatical Construction and Presentation
Fluxarc's wordplay was and is, without a doubt, superb. Construction and Presentation were top notch, clearly could visualize what you wanted us -the readers to picture in our mind. Kara's actions, thoughts, emotions and movements were each detailed out almost perfectly. It retained interest and made me eager to read much of the posts down the line.

Itachi's worldplay was nice to say the least. However, the improper use and omissions of punctuation marks made reading a tad difficult. Construction was okay as well as presentation.

Here, it's absolutely a win for Fluxarc.

Power Play, Godmod Sequences and In-Character ability limits
This happens to be where I majorly had problem with both sides.
For Fluxarc, though your zanpakuto gives you a sort of precognitive ability, there are limits[this is entirely my fault or partially; since I recall asking you if it augments your stats in whatsoever way].
True, your energy sensing is, indeed, special but it shouldn't be able to react accordingly and easier to all levels of attack; which the rules frowns upon. There are many instances foresight has been bypassed by far superior speed and other forms of perceptive ability. It'd be fine with me, since I'm not really the speed-type, heck, My OC having S-speed was actually not to feel left out and having my opponent blitz blitz my OC all the time. While I cannot fathom how you waved off Kurohitsugi but your strength, durability and reiatsu should provide a little bit of resistance against his powered punches, fine by me. Other than the constant reaction and a few negligible counters, it wasn't half bad.


To Itachi. Firstly, there were posts your offenses were too much to be left unnoticed.
In the 27th Post, You launched a 100m crescent aura slash - felt incredibly exaggerated tbh.
Launched earth boulders.
And spearheaded with what? 50punches per second and according to Kara's iteration each in their 80s?
That'd sink down all your reiatsu reserve.
Because in 30s, that'd feel like casting 2,400 Kido 80.
And this is me not calling your other multi-attempts within a post.

In terms of power play, it felt Kara didn't give regards to Arthur's actual power - few a times but still understood her limits in terms of strength and durability.

Arthur always blitzed away from Kara's attack even when it'd have just taken the damage - not severe considering his speed advantage already.

I'm making this category a draw.

General Storyline
This plot drastically fell apart due to the numerous plotholes - Arthur's unclear and somewhat lack of reason for requesting off Kara to hand over her badge and the mindless display of fury and power, maybe he felt jealous or he felt Kara was incompetent, who knows? I could feel Kara's discomfort from on here and you both practically weren't agreeing on anything with the spoilers being hurled at each other here and there.

Again, it didn't matter how the plot went, regardless. It was a nice read on both end.


Emerging as a Victor; Arthur receives 2s.p.
And Kara, 1s.p.
But in reference to the entire review, Kara earns an additional 1s.p.
And in addition, +1s.p to both parties as a reward for exceeding the 25posts mark.

Kara - 3s.p.
Arthur - 3s.p.
word count: 621

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#48

Post by Fluxarc » Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:31 pm

@Pheonix

Thanks for the review. In hindsight, I definitely got a little carried away with Kara's advanced perception. I'll have to work on that for future spars and missions. Sparring someone powerful as Arthur allowed me to iron out some rough spots in Kara's abilities. It was a good one 👍
word count: 53
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#49

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sat Jul 06, 2019 1:10 pm

Fluxarc wrote:
Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:31 pm
@Pheonix

Thanks for the review. In hindsight, I definitely got a little carried away with Kara's advanced perception. I'll have to work on that for future spars and missions. Sparring someone powerful as Arthur allowed me to iron out some rough spots in Kara's abilities. It was a good one 👍
Thanks. Hope you had no problem with the review? If you did, let me know and I'd iron it out.

@ Akuganrawa Itachi
Your stats shouldn't allow you to cast those Kido, let alone without the chant; Raikoho and Rikujokoro.
I wanted to pm you for said reason, if you changed your stats, do notify me, thank you.
word count: 121

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#50

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sat Jul 06, 2019 2:56 pm

@ Akuganrawa Itachi
Your stats shouldn't allow you to cast those Kido, let alone without the chant; Raikoho and Rikujokoro.
I wanted to pm you for said reason, if you changed your stats, do notify me, thank you.
For the Duration of the spar Arthur had S+ Reiatsu control and A+ Hakuda....it was only changed recently u can check the time it was edited last.

Thanks P.D for your honest review. But might I add that, the maximum amount of attacks are supposed to be three... two for those regarded as your level in speed while a third is on an occasion whereby you are faster than said opponent... an extra move is added.

Edit....

Yeah I guess I got carried away with being irked at how my moves where being reacted to when it shouldn’t be.... If you noticed, after the said powered punch Arthur’s Zan got sealed.... so I was aware of the heavy burden it carried. Still, I think I would reduce the power of Kishin to 40 Kido.... Thanks.... lovely review.
Last edited by Akugaranwa Itachi on Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:26 am, edited 2 times in total. word count: 179
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#51

Post by Phantom-T » Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:38 pm

konami31 wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am
Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
Mission Review:
konami31 wrote:
Fri Jun 28, 2019 7:07 am
Title: Clash of swords III

Within a certain spacious ground of a mountain a pink haired youth sat cross legged on the ground, while garbed in white robed this figure breathed slowly as he sat there as though he was one with the heaven and earth. The white robed figure inhaled the cold wind under the faint golden shaft of the sun as he remained unmovable as he let himself bask in solitude of the environment in order to wait for someone he intend to meet.
Length:
Below average (D)
You came up short in this section with a total Wc of 1300+ in respect to the 1500wc average. However, this wasn't a bad effort as it was well above the 1000 Wc minimum. I suggest you put a little more effort next time but make sure it doesn't cost you the story.

Word Play:
Above average (B)
Descriptively you hit your mark. You made sure to carry the readers along which was great and you made good use of your punctuation. There were a few mistakes and omissions here and there but nothing too telling. However, I feel your sentence structure and paragraphs could've done with more work.

Power play:
Again Above average (B)
This was a bit tricky to decide considering not much was known about your opponent apart from his revered skill in swordsmanship. Misaki seemed to carry himself appropriately and showed off some of his skills. Wuque also moved according to his limitations which showed perfect understanding of the stats system from you.

However, the battle scenery had Wuque ending his opponent in one successful strike which if I'm not mistaking was his very first attempt at a direct hit which his opponent received. This was a let down for me as i imagined Misaki to have a little more endurance for a seasoned fighter.

Story-line:
Below Average (D)
The story-line came up short and played out as just another battle scene. As could be noted, after the first paragraph it quickly progressed into an intense battle scene which died off as quickly as it started. I would commend you for sticking to the title of the solo however, a lot more could have happened to flesh out the story.



Verdict:

Although there wasn't much to hold on to here, it was still an interesting read.

Mission Grade: C
Points Awarded: 2 CBS points
Last edited by Phantom-T on Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:50 pm, edited 2 times in total. word count: 441

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#52

Post by XIII » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:50 am

Phantom-T wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:38 pm
konami31 wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am
Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
Mission Review:
konami31 wrote:
Fri Jun 28, 2019 7:07 am
Title: Clash of swords III

Within a certain spacious ground of a mountain a pink haired youth sat cross legged on the ground, while garbed in white robed this figure breathed slowly as he sat there as though he was one with the heaven and earth. The white robed figure inhaled the cold wind under the faint golden shaft of the sun as he remained unmovable as he let himself bask in solitude of the environment in order to wait for someone he intend to meet.
Length:
Below average (D)
You came up short in this section with a total Wc of 1300+ in respect to the 1500wc average. However, this wasn't a bad effort as it was well above the 1000 Wc minimum. I suggest you put a little more effort next time but make sure it doesn't cost you the story.

Word Play:
Above average (B)
Descriptively you hit your mark. You made sure to carry the readers along which was great and you made good use of your punctuation. There were a few mistakes and omissions here and there but nothing too telling. However, I feel your sentence structure and paragraphs could've done with more work.

Power play:
Again Above average (B)
This was a bit tricky to decide considering not much was known about your opponent apart from his revered skill in swordsmanship. Misaki seemed to carry himself appropriately and showed off some of his skills. Wuque also moved according to his limitations which showed perfect understanding of the stats system from you.

However, the battle scenery had Wuque ending his opponent in one successful strike which if I'm not mistaking was his very first attempt at a direct hit which his opponent received. This was a let down for me as i imagined Misaki to have a little more endurance for a seasoned fighter.

Story-line:
Below Average (D)
The story-line came up short and played out as just another battle scene. As could be noted, after the first paragraph it quickly progressed into an intense battle scene which died off as quickly as it started. I would commend you for sticking to the title of the solo however, a lot more could have happened to flesh out the story.



Verdict:

Although there wasn't much to hold on to here, it was still an interesting read.

Mission Grade: C
Points Awarded: 2 CBS points
As per request I’ll be taking a look at this spar for a second opinion when I’m next available.
word count: 472

It would come in a blur, and seek to lay waste to them all.
In a flash, the beast sought to let loose a calamity crafted by its own hands.
Its sole purpose to leave nothing but charred remains and ash...

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#53

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:09 am

Name: Enishi Shinomori Vermillion
Mission Type: Solo
Name of mission: Memories of the past.
Link: here
Last edited by Akugaranwa Itachi on Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:10 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 16
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#54

Post by Fluxarc » Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:04 am

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:09 am
Name: Enishi Shinomori Vermillion
Mission Type: Solo
Name of mission: Memories of the past.
Link: here
*Blows Bullhorn*
I'LL TAKE THISSSSSSSSS!!!!!
*Retreats into cave with mission*
:p
word count: 38
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