Roleplay Workshop

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#41

Post by Phantom-T » Wed May 29, 2019 6:59 pm

Fluxarc wrote:
Mon May 27, 2019 5:22 am

NEW MISSION!

Fleshing out Kara's backstory as I work on forward-facing story lines.

REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST

Review!!!

Yep, Leave this to me.
word count: 34

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#42

Post by Phantom-T » Mon Jun 10, 2019 10:26 am

Fluxarc wrote:
Mon May 27, 2019 5:22 am

NEW MISSION!

Fleshing out Kara's backstory as I work on forward-facing story lines.

REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST

Review!!!

Sorry for the delay, but guess what I've got.
Mission Review
THE YANA CHRONICLES
REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST





YEARS AGO
Length
This was a nice short one. Length wise, it was within average but felt arguably shorter when I got to it. It was engaging to say the least and played out the storyline in a mentally stimulating manner.

Word Organization & presentation.
Coming over to your word play, I must say it's kinda hard to imagine you faulter in this scope. YoU made good use of your space and kept it short and simple to ease the mind. The dialogue was not bad either and you potrayed their actions, thoughts, and emotions expertly well.

Storyline Creativity & Power play.
The solo stuck to its title which was impresive and annoying at thesame time. At one point i was expecting something more maybe a little show of the power hidden within, but i came to relaize i had no authorization to see beyond her dreams. At least not yet. However, the story gave good insight into her past and sadly kept us wanting more.

In Conclusion
Going by the nature of this solo, I would award this an "A" for its neat and we'll thought out presentation. Naturally would have given this a "B" for its Length and passive nature but I believe a good writeup deserves it's own reward.

Mission Grade: "A" = 4 CBS points.
Pls. Update all required records as soon as possible
Last edited by Phantom-T on Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 276

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#43

Post by Fluxarc » Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:08 am

REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!


Spar between myself and a maniac!

RAGE OF THE LIGHTNING GOD

Any takers?
word count: 15
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#44

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:41 am

Fluxarc wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:08 am
REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!


Spar between myself and a maniac!

RAGE OF THE LIGHTNING GOD

Any takers?
Sure, I'll.
word count: 27

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#45

Post by konami31 » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am

Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
word count: 16
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#46

Post by Phantom-T » Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:10 am

konami31 wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am
Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
I've got this
Last edited by Phantom-T on Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 29

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#47

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:59 am

Fluxarc wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:08 am
REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!


Spar between myself and a maniac!

RAGE OF THE LIGHTNING GOD

Any takers?
A good intro from both sides, a decent exchange of dialogue and an actual look towards how the spar would play out.

Word Play, Grammatical Construction and Presentation
Fluxarc's wordplay was and is, without a doubt, superb. Construction and Presentation were top notch, clearly could visualize what you wanted us -the readers to picture in our mind. Kara's actions, thoughts, emotions and movements were each detailed out almost perfectly. It retained interest and made me eager to read much of the posts down the line.

Itachi's worldplay was nice to say the least. However, the improper use and omissions of punctuation marks made reading a tad difficult. Construction was okay as well as presentation.

Here, it's absolutely a win for Fluxarc.

Power Play, Godmod Sequences and In-Character ability limits
This happens to be where I majorly had problem with both sides.
For Fluxarc, though your zanpakuto gives you a sort of precognitive ability, there are limits[this is entirely my fault or partially; since I recall asking you if it augments your stats in whatsoever way].
True, your energy sensing is, indeed, special but it shouldn't be able to react accordingly and easier to all levels of attack; which the rules frowns upon. There are many instances foresight has been bypassed by far superior speed and other forms of perceptive ability. It'd be fine with me, since I'm not really the speed-type, heck, My OC having S-speed was actually not to feel left out and having my opponent blitz blitz my OC all the time. While I cannot fathom how you waved off Kurohitsugi but your strength, durability and reiatsu should provide a little bit of resistance against his powered punches, fine by me. Other than the constant reaction and a few negligible counters, it wasn't half bad.


To Itachi. Firstly, there were posts your offenses were too much to be left unnoticed.
In the 27th Post, You launched a 100m crescent aura slash - felt incredibly exaggerated tbh.
Launched earth boulders.
And spearheaded with what? 50punches per second and according to Kara's iteration each in their 80s?
That'd sink down all your reiatsu reserve.
Because in 30s, that'd feel like casting 2,400 Kido 80.
And this is me not calling your other multi-attempts within a post.

In terms of power play, it felt Kara didn't give regards to Arthur's actual power - few a times but still understood her limits in terms of strength and durability.

Arthur always blitzed away from Kara's attack even when it'd have just taken the damage - not severe considering his speed advantage already.

I'm making this category a draw.

General Storyline
This plot drastically fell apart due to the numerous plotholes - Arthur's unclear and somewhat lack of reason for requesting off Kara to hand over her badge and the mindless display of fury and power, maybe he felt jealous or he felt Kara was incompetent, who knows? I could feel Kara's discomfort from on here and you both practically weren't agreeing on anything with the spoilers being hurled at each other here and there.

Again, it didn't matter how the plot went, regardless. It was a nice read on both end.


Emerging as a Victor; Arthur receives 2s.p.
And Kara, 1s.p.
But in reference to the entire review, Kara earns an additional 1s.p.
And in addition, +1s.p to both parties as a reward for exceeding the 25posts mark.

Kara - 3s.p.
Arthur - 3s.p.
word count: 621

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#48

Post by Fluxarc » Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:31 pm

@Pheonix

Thanks for the review. In hindsight, I definitely got a little carried away with Kara's advanced perception. I'll have to work on that for future spars and missions. Sparring someone powerful as Arthur allowed me to iron out some rough spots in Kara's abilities. It was a good one 👍
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#49

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sat Jul 06, 2019 1:10 pm

Fluxarc wrote:
Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:31 pm
@Pheonix

Thanks for the review. In hindsight, I definitely got a little carried away with Kara's advanced perception. I'll have to work on that for future spars and missions. Sparring someone powerful as Arthur allowed me to iron out some rough spots in Kara's abilities. It was a good one 👍
Thanks. Hope you had no problem with the review? If you did, let me know and I'd iron it out.

@ Akuganrawa Itachi
Your stats shouldn't allow you to cast those Kido, let alone without the chant; Raikoho and Rikujokoro.
I wanted to pm you for said reason, if you changed your stats, do notify me, thank you.
word count: 121

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#50

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sat Jul 06, 2019 2:56 pm

@ Akuganrawa Itachi
Your stats shouldn't allow you to cast those Kido, let alone without the chant; Raikoho and Rikujokoro.
I wanted to pm you for said reason, if you changed your stats, do notify me, thank you.
For the Duration of the spar Arthur had S+ Reiatsu control and A+ Hakuda....it was only changed recently u can check the time it was edited last.

Thanks P.D for your honest review. But might I add that, the maximum amount of attacks are supposed to be three... two for those regarded as your level in speed while a third is on an occasion whereby you are faster than said opponent... an extra move is added.

Edit....

Yeah I guess I got carried away with being irked at how my moves where being reacted to when it shouldn’t be.... If you noticed, after the said powered punch Arthur’s Zan got sealed.... so I was aware of the heavy burden it carried. Still, I think I would reduce the power of Kishin to 40 Kido.... Thanks.... lovely review.
Last edited by Akugaranwa Itachi on Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:26 am, edited 2 times in total. word count: 179
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#51

Post by Phantom-T » Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:38 pm

konami31 wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am
Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
Mission Review:
konami31 wrote:
Fri Jun 28, 2019 7:07 am
Title: Clash of swords III

Within a certain spacious ground of a mountain a pink haired youth sat cross legged on the ground, while garbed in white robed this figure breathed slowly as he sat there as though he was one with the heaven and earth. The white robed figure inhaled the cold wind under the faint golden shaft of the sun as he remained unmovable as he let himself bask in solitude of the environment in order to wait for someone he intend to meet.
Length:
Below average (D)
You came up short in this section with a total Wc of 1300+ in respect to the 1500wc average. However, this wasn't a bad effort as it was well above the 1000 Wc minimum. I suggest you put a little more effort next time but make sure it doesn't cost you the story.

Word Play:
Above average (B)
Descriptively you hit your mark. You made sure to carry the readers along which was great and you made good use of your punctuation. There were a few mistakes and omissions here and there but nothing too telling. However, I feel your sentence structure and paragraphs could've done with more work.

Power play:
Again Above average (B)
This was a bit tricky to decide considering not much was known about your opponent apart from his revered skill in swordsmanship. Misaki seemed to carry himself appropriately and showed off some of his skills. Wuque also moved according to his limitations which showed perfect understanding of the stats system from you.

However, the battle scenery had Wuque ending his opponent in one successful strike which if I'm not mistaking was his very first attempt at a direct hit which his opponent received. This was a let down for me as i imagined Misaki to have a little more endurance for a seasoned fighter.

Story-line:
Below Average (D)
The story-line came up short and played out as just another battle scene. As could be noted, after the first paragraph it quickly progressed into an intense battle scene which died off as quickly as it started. I would commend you for sticking to the title of the solo however, a lot more could have happened to flesh out the story.



Verdict:

Although there wasn't much to hold on to here, it was still an interesting read.

Mission Grade: C
Points Awarded: 2 CBS points
Last edited by Phantom-T on Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:50 pm, edited 2 times in total. word count: 441

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#52

Post by XIII » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:50 am

Phantom-T wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:38 pm
konami31 wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:05 am
Name:
Dugu Wuque
Division:
8th division
Type: (Solo)
Link: viewtopic.php?f=216&p=6470#p6470
Mission Review:
konami31 wrote:
Fri Jun 28, 2019 7:07 am
Title: Clash of swords III

Within a certain spacious ground of a mountain a pink haired youth sat cross legged on the ground, while garbed in white robed this figure breathed slowly as he sat there as though he was one with the heaven and earth. The white robed figure inhaled the cold wind under the faint golden shaft of the sun as he remained unmovable as he let himself bask in solitude of the environment in order to wait for someone he intend to meet.
Length:
Below average (D)
You came up short in this section with a total Wc of 1300+ in respect to the 1500wc average. However, this wasn't a bad effort as it was well above the 1000 Wc minimum. I suggest you put a little more effort next time but make sure it doesn't cost you the story.

Word Play:
Above average (B)
Descriptively you hit your mark. You made sure to carry the readers along which was great and you made good use of your punctuation. There were a few mistakes and omissions here and there but nothing too telling. However, I feel your sentence structure and paragraphs could've done with more work.

Power play:
Again Above average (B)
This was a bit tricky to decide considering not much was known about your opponent apart from his revered skill in swordsmanship. Misaki seemed to carry himself appropriately and showed off some of his skills. Wuque also moved according to his limitations which showed perfect understanding of the stats system from you.

However, the battle scenery had Wuque ending his opponent in one successful strike which if I'm not mistaking was his very first attempt at a direct hit which his opponent received. This was a let down for me as i imagined Misaki to have a little more endurance for a seasoned fighter.

Story-line:
Below Average (D)
The story-line came up short and played out as just another battle scene. As could be noted, after the first paragraph it quickly progressed into an intense battle scene which died off as quickly as it started. I would commend you for sticking to the title of the solo however, a lot more could have happened to flesh out the story.



Verdict:

Although there wasn't much to hold on to here, it was still an interesting read.

Mission Grade: C
Points Awarded: 2 CBS points
As per request I’ll be taking a look at this spar for a second opinion when I’m next available.
word count: 472

One who calls upon the ocean never expects the tsunami.
For beckoning the rains, also tempts the hurricane.
When simple kindling begs the wildfire,
A furious inferno to devour the lands.
And to say a prayer is to provoke the wrath of God.
Know ye not your foolishness?

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#53

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:09 am

Name: Enishi Shinomori Vermillion
Mission Type: Solo
Name of mission: Memories of the past.
Link: here
Last edited by Akugaranwa Itachi on Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:10 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 16
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#54

Post by Fluxarc » Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:04 am

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:09 am
Name: Enishi Shinomori Vermillion
Mission Type: Solo
Name of mission: Memories of the past.
Link: here
*Blows Bullhorn*
I'LL TAKE THISSSSSSSSS!!!!!
*Retreats into cave with mission*
:p
word count: 38
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#55

Post by Samuel_Carter_Awakening » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:40 am

Name: Amatoyoshi Hirāzakurā and Ethririel Quel'shu Pheles.
Division: 5th and 13th Division.
Type: Spar.
Link:viewtopic.php?f=266&t=823
word count: 23
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#56

Post by Aegis Raiu » Tue Jul 23, 2019 7:34 pm

Samuel_Carter_Awakening wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:40 am
Name: Amatoyoshi Hirāzakurā and Ethririel Quel'shu Pheles.
Division: 5th and 13th Division.
Type: Spar.
Link:viewtopic.php?f=266&t=823
I see this has been here for a while so I'll be taking this, need the exercise :D
word count: 52
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#57

Post by Aegis Raiu » Thu Jul 25, 2019 1:41 pm

Review, any one?

Names: Arthur Dayne and Killy Lohr
Division: 2nd and 5th Division.
Type: Spar
Link:The Blood Thirst
word count: 20
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#58

Post by PhoenixDayne » Thu Jul 25, 2019 2:42 pm

Aegis Raiu wrote:
Thu Jul 25, 2019 1:41 pm
Review, any one?

Names: Arthur Dayne and Killy Lohr
Division: 2nd and 5th Division.
Type: Spar
Link:The Blood Thirst
*Drags the mission into his cave*
Definitely, I'll.
word count: 39

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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#59

Post by Aegis Raiu » Sun Aug 04, 2019 7:33 pm

Samuel_Carter_Awakening wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:40 am
Name: Amatoyoshi Hirāzakurā and Ethririel Quel'shu Pheles.
Division: 5th and 13th Division.
Type: Spar.
Link:viewtopic.php?f=266&t=823
Well this is one of the very few spars with the least amount of background squabbles and aggressive intensity from both players, I could feel it through the read. Nice story play by the way from two of you.

Word Play, Grammatical Construction and Presentation
First, I'd have to give this category to Ethririel despite being a recruit in this fight, she still displayed very impressive wordplay, clear descriptions of what she wanted to do, when and how. I could feel the struggle from her throughout the battle to get a message across and the word constructions despite having low word counts, were excellent.

Almost the same goes for Hirazakura but still below his counterpart in this aspect, but your actions were clearly understood hence still a very good pass.

Power Play, Godmod Sequences and In-Character ability limits
Hmmm, I have to say I'm really impressed with you both on this one as well, you both incredibly stuck to your respective CBS stats and knew your limitations with just very minor flaws here and there.

For Hirazakura, you nearly scaled into the red zone with your repeated attempts to parry Ethririel's blade while effortlessly using kido(seki) at the same time to deflect her second handed sheath strike, despite not having the zanjutsu skill yourself. You also made feint zanjutsu and hakuda attempts which don't count for much but you should try to abstain from things that could put you under suspicion especially if you totally lack the skill to execute things the way you did. All the same it wasn't a major cause for alarm, be guided.

For Ethririel, you almost survived this part without any flaws given how you knew not to break the Rikujokoro spell obviously, allowing Hirazakura to disable it himself given that you're a recruit without the proper backups to do so. However, in the first instance where you jumped some 20m back in assumed a defensive position as a means to counter the intense reiatsu flare from Amatoyoshi, I feel more was needed but given the way it was employed against you_that too can be overlooked.

General Storyline
Good communication between the characters. The progress from a tea meeting to a brawl encounter wasn't bad but I see the characters got a little personal with some verbal jabs here and there, was nice for the story.


Emerging as a Victor; Hirazakura receives 1 soul point.
For winning the wordplay section, Ethririel receives 1 soul point.
Both characters receive additional 1 soul point in reference to the review.
Lastly, for hitting and exceeding the 25 posts count, you both receive 2 soul points each.


Hirazakura - 4 soul points
Ethririel - 4 soul points.
word count: 490
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Re: Roleplay Workshop

#60

Post by PhoenixDayne » Sun Aug 11, 2019 9:01 am

Aegis Raiu wrote:
Thu Jul 25, 2019 1:41 pm
Review, any one?

Names: Arthur Dayne and Killy Lohr
Division: 2nd and 5th Division.
Type: Spar
Link:The Blood Thirst

A lazy start from both ends. Felt as if you both were forced to spar, no? Anyway, Arthur's intro was too short while Killy's intro was okay and well above average. It had no room for exchange of talks. Well, it's fine. Not a thing worthy of penalization.

Word Play, Grammatical Construction and Presentation
Starting off with Arthur, your descriptions were lacking. An example is this; At Arthur’s Shikai release command, His body became enveloped with dark electricity as Konyrou covered his body completely - What's Konyrou? In this context, it felt as if another thing covered his body alongside the dark electricity. There were times imagining what you meant became quite problematic and it felt off despite you doing better against Fluxarc.
I'm pointing out one of many. However, it wasn't bad.

Now, over to Killy. While it was relatively better in most instances and better considered over Arthur's, it felt off sometimes and other times it was nice and within line. Killy's win here.

Power Play, Godmod Sequences and In-Character ability limits
First off and generally, Speed clones aren't really tangible creatures, they are more of surreal, semi-tangible makeshifts in other words, afterimages. Yes, they cannot perform any other separate actions rather than confusion and limitedly preoccupying a target and maybe, a limited physical exchange that's a replica of what original is doing not something as diverse as functioning in multiple ways such as the first clone lifts a tree, second makes a thousand cuts, third chants Kido, a sound no! . . Infact, they are always within the designated territories/positions the user has occupied within those moment of his movement.

Now, Arthur. Your foresight - "This allows Arthur to sense the electrical impulses and signals going through the opponent's body, letting him perceive all of their movements."
Keyword : Going through. Not sense the electrical impulses and synapses within and around one's body. In other words, you godmodded. Your foresight doesn't give you precognition or mental interception/evasion of another person's mind or brain. You exaggeratedly overused this ability beyond the limited boundaries. Before I venture into your post editing part, A thousand cuts? What the hell? Who allowed such technique to pass? Who gave approval over that? Fuji hammer, quite alright, that's cool. What? No master Zanjutsu-practitioner in bleach has performed such action. At least, 100 slashes. A thousand with just a swing? Now. How're you using Kido 54 without Incantation and at that, modifying it to such extent with B reiatsu control? You didn't account for your character limits nor your ability limits, it seems you got carried out. Now, you edited a post. . . Not even words and even after Aegis had made his post? You totally changed it and posted an entirely different role-play. Your speed clone usage too. These aren't errors that are negligible, they're glaring.
"The practitioner generates an electric current through any object they touch, which damages anything or anyone which is in contact with the object the current runs through."
- Tsuzuri Raiden.
Tsuzuri Raiden doesn't boost cutting capability, it's a strictly electrocuting power.



Killy, starting off, sinking into your subconscious means you're relying massively on your sensing capabilities. Unfortunately, you aren't a sensory type thanks to your E reiatsu control nor can you feel your surrounding like a sound hakuda or Zanjutsu expert would E+ Zanjutsu, E hakuda. Which leaves me wondering, why'd you sink into your subconscious? You can't sense, it's that simple. Another thing, you're just as guilty as Arthur in the usage of speed clones. However, those are all I'd find and a few negligible errors not as glaring.

Surely, Killy earns another round.

General Storyline
There literally was no plot. It was just your casual spar-thread, nothing enthralling about it.
If I'm allowed to be blunt, it was a boring read from one end mostly. The GMs here and there, the errors and loopholes.


Itachi gets 1s.p solely for participating in this thread.
Aegis gets 3s.p for earning my review rounds' points, limiting his errors and participating in this thread.

@Aegis Raiu
@Akuganrawa Itachi
word count: 741

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