[7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

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Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

#61

Post by Asano » Sun Aug 20, 2017 11:26 pm

Silverdrake wrote:
Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:31 am
My problem with "convert anything to lightning" is that, beyond the OP-ness, it technically violates the element limit. Add in the difficulty of judging the volume of matter that can be converted and putting a reiatsu cost on it.
Which I’ve realized and mentioned it would have to be limited adequately in light of that. The difficulty of limiting the volume and imposing the reiatsu cost is his burden to bear. It’ll get rejected left and right until it looks good.
And since when are we allowing invulnerability? I just told Konami that he couldn't be invulnerable to light.
For the record I haven’t been against limited case invulnerability. For the most part people go way too broad, like no harm from Kidou or physical attacks. Things if that nature.

Light is almost an entirely different issue unto it’s own. There’s a far greater breadth of light based attacks than their are lightning ones. Considering the nature of the game, and the universe it’s built around... the circumstances are different. Light is a far too broad a scope for that to play out.

But call me wrong there on the nature of the universe and light based attacks. Consider single element immunity and what all good it actually does. The short answer is not much. It’s almost a trap ability. You make yourself immune to an element and you’re hedging your bets on encountering it at some point in battle. How many electric users are there? How many electric abilities are there? Like 3 or 4? Unless you’re tossing around a fire immunity (which even then is pointless), you may as well be throwing away a perfectly good ability slot.

Going beyond that, it’s almost the same as the bad match-up clause. Like should I encounter a proficient ice/water user. Chances are my flames are going to have no effect on them (if not at least very little). My Bankai might be a slightly different story (but only then just barely).

Also the same problem with lightning Zans if someone decided or was able to properly ground themselves. It’d be a little difficult to get around that.

The really issue is suppression/elimination of entire or large amounts of a people’s arsenals. If that’s not the case, may as well let it be.

It seems bad, but if you check it out under the microscope not necessarily. You’ve gotta consider other factors. So yeah let him have lighting immunity if he wants, it’s completely pointless.

Even ignoring that, let it be. Worst case scenario is it becomes problematic. If it does, it get taken away. Let it fly on at least a trial basis just to see how it goes.

It would come in a blur, and seek to lay waste to them all.
In a flash, the beast sought to let loose a calamity crafted by its own hands.
Its sole purpose to leave nothing but charred remains and ash...


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Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

#62

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:00 am

I am taking into account the necessary adjustments you stated for this ability. And as well Rayon's advise to state how the negation works.

Name:: Tenbetsu
ability:Lightning
Type: Active
Description: After the completion of 3post count, Like Raijin Aoshi is aware of his surrounding electricity, but this time he can relate, influence as well make it his own. This allows for Aoshi to create lightning from thin air, Negate it in such a way that Aoshi will not be able to simply negate any and all lightning in his vicinity, but will have to individually counter each manifestation with the same reiatsu cost to himself as the opponent spent to create it. The amount of lightning at which he can negate is however tied to the highest Kidō Aoshi can cast. An example is that if can cast up to level 70 kidou, then he will not be able to completely negate a level 80 kidou-equivalent as his reiatsu control simply wouldn't be up to the task. Likewise, if he needs to counter multiple incoming attacks, he can negate in total only up to his maximum kidou ability and the rest will get through. Create, turn anything he chooses to into lightning. Bending lightning into his will, Aoshi can also take the form of lightning thus granting him better flight.

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Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

#63

Post by Silverdrake » Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:27 pm

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:00 am
I am taking into account the necessary adjustments you stated for this ability. And as well Rayon's advise to state how the negation works.

Name:: Tenbetsu
ability:Lightning
Type: Active
Description: After the completion of 3post count, Like Raijin Aoshi is aware of his surrounding electricity, but this time he can relate, influence as well make it his own. This allows for Aoshi to create lightning from thin air, Negate it in such a way that Aoshi will not be able to simply negate any and all lightning in his vicinity, but will have to individually counter each manifestation with the same reiatsu cost to himself as the opponent spent to create it. The amount of lightning at which he can negate is however tied to the highest Kidō Aoshi can cast. An example is that if can cast up to level 70 kidou, then he will not be able to completely negate a level 80 kidou-equivalent as his reiatsu control simply wouldn't be up to the task. Likewise, if he needs to counter multiple incoming attacks, he can negate in total only up to his maximum kidou ability and the rest will get through. Create, turn anything he chooses to into lightning. Bending lightning into his will, Aoshi can also take the form of lightning thus granting him better flight.
This was an example for you. It doesn't need to be in the ability description.

Here is the contentious area. Turn anything he chooses into lightning, per what Rayon/Asano said, needs to be detailed as to volume and cost. You might use this as a reference. Moving that amount of substance is a level 57 kidou. An equivalent level might transform half that amount.

Taking the form of lightning follows from transforming other elements, but how much does it cost to transform himself into lightning (refer to volume above) and what speed does his lightning form give him?

BTW, you still haven't linked your approved zan write-up to show how all this fits in with it.
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Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

#64

Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:37 pm

Rewrote the ability, think this should be better
Name:: Tenbatsu(Heaven's Wrath)
ability:Lightning
Type: Active
Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.


viewtopic.php?f=148&t=77
Last edited by Akugaranwa Itachi on Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

#65

Post by Silverdrake » Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:52 pm

Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:37 pm
Rewrote the ability, think this should be better
Name:: Tenbatsu
ability:Lightning
Type: Active
Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.


viewtopic.php?f=148&t=77
certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use
Does it shorten with higher use or lower use? What is the minimum charge time?

Don't you have to activate Haven to get the clouds?
converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body
I don't understand what you mean by this.


Thank you for the link.
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Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

#66

Post by Asano » Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:46 am

To preface, I had an absolute blast creating this Zan. I love absolutely everything about it, and almost wish it was going to be my main Zanpakutou. Buuut it’s for an in-progress secondary character. Rather this this all squared away first though. Annnnnd without further ado: (partial thanks to Byakuya, Kyouraku, and Samurai from FFXIV for the inspiration).

Zanpakutou: Reijin
Sealed state appearance: Reijin in its sealed state is a standard Katana with four-pointed star as it’s guard.

Shikai:
Name: Reijin (霊刃, Spirit Blade)
Release Command: Kirisuteru (切り捨てる, cut away)
Inner World: TBD
Spirit Appearance: TBD
Shikai Appearence: In it’s shikai state, Reishi becomes a much more ornate. The blade itself become white, with a golden stripe running the tip down the middle of the blade to the hilt. The guard transforms and resembles a blossoming lotus flower.

Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Suimei (必殺剣•水明, Certain Death Blade: Shimmering Water)
Element: None
Type: Active.
Descriptions: An attack designed for the sole purpose of cutting an enemy down. A result of any of the user’s slashing attacks done while calling out the word “Suimei”, a trail of hundreds of smaller slashing blades known as hakaze (刃風, blade wind) is generated user’s spiritual energy and follows the path of the user’s attack. Upon manifestation, the mass of small blades appears like sunlight reflecting off gentle waters.
  • From Gyouten Shisei: The Hakaze covers a wide cone area and moves forward as far as 10m from the point of execution.
    • The concentration of Hakaze becomes much lesser as it moves from the point of execution, making it much less effective as it travels. Conversely, the concentration is much higher at close range thus making the potential to do harm much higher.
  • From Yaten Shisei: Rather than flowing from the main blade, the Hakaze manifests from the ground when the user is slashing forward, from the behind the opponent when slashing from below, and from the opposite side when slashing from either the left or right.
    • However, the Hakaze only reaches as far as the user’s blade can (approx. 1.8m), except when striking from the back. In which case it can reach far enough to hit the target should they be in striking distance of the user.
  • From Shinten Shisei: The Hakaze flows down from above the user and opponent almost like a rain of blades when executed. From this stance the blades are concentrated in a tighter area, making their potential to do harm significantly greater when done from this stance.
  • Cannot be used without first assuming a defined stance.
Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Anbu Zangeki (必殺剣•暗部斬撃, Certain Death Blade: Dark side slashing)
Element: None
Type: Active
Descriptions: An attack purely steeped in the art of deception. When the user attacks and calls out “Anbu Zangeki”, a phantom hand appears and quickly draws an ephemeral blade to make its attack. Upon manifestation, appears as if death itself is seeking to claim the life of its victims.
  • From Gyouten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from the user’s chest, and thrusts it’s blade forward at the target.
  • From Yaten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from the user’s projected shadow and slashed forward from whichever direction possible to make its attack.
  • From Shinten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from behind the user and swings from wherever and however the user pleases.
  • Cannot be used without first assuming a defined stance.
  • This skill can be used in conjunction with ”Suimei”.
    • In this case the command becomes “Suimei Zangeki”.
    • The Emphemeral blade also generates a second Hakaze, albeit to a lesser degree than the original blade. This triggers a phenomenon called Hibiki no Ken (“響きの剣”, blade resonance).
    • The direction in which the ephemeral blade’s Hakaze flows is dependent on the stance used and the direction of the attack (where applicable).
  • This skill can also be used with Chikyuu Zangeki.
    • In this case the command becomes “Anbu Nikushimi”.
    • The effects of the emphemeral blade’s uheaval are dependent on the stance used.
    • When paired with Chikyuu Nikushimi, the second but slightly weaker upheaval also triggers “Hibiki no Ken” (響きの剣, blade resonance).

Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Chikyuu no Nikushimi Zangeki (必殺剣•地球斬撃の憎しみ, Certain Death Blade: Hatred of Earth Slash)
Element: None
Type: Active
Descriptions: The user draws out and harmonizes both the power of the blade and their inner strength. Using this power they cut into or at the earth while calling “Chikyuu Zangeki” to cause an upheaval. Upon upheaval, it appears as if a dragon sleeping beneath the earth is awakening with righteous fury.
  • From Gyouten Shisei: By cutting into the earth from this stance, the user causes small shards of sharp stone (or whatever material) fly forward at the opponent. The more strength driven into the attack the further and faster the debris moves.
  • From Yaten Shisei: By cutting into the earth from this stance, the user either directs dust and debris into the targets eyes, or creates a large cloud of dust around themselves.
  • From Shinten Shisei: By cutting into the earth from this powerful stance, the user causes large chunks of earth (or any other material) to rise up from the ground in all directions covering a 5m radius. These large portions of upturned earth can be used as cover, or can strike opponents from below, sending them backwards or upwards.
  • No direct contact needs to be made to trigger the effects. The force from the swing is sufficient enough to produce the effect.
  • This technique can be used with out a stance defined stance.
    • In which case the effects will always be similar the effects produced when executed from Gyouten Shisei.
    Ability: Shisei Kawaru (姿勢 変わる姿勢, Stance Change)
    Element: None
    Type: Passive
    Description: The user changes into one of three stances in order to slightly alter the effects of their blade techniques.
    • Gyouten Shisei (暁天, Dawn Sky Stance): In this stance, the user stands with their left foot is forward, with the sword held pointing upright. The hilt is positioned just in front of the right shoulder, and the blade should leaning slightly to the behind the user’s head. This stance is derived from the Hassou stance, and is the most balanced of the three.
    • Yaten Shisei (夜天, Night Sky Stance):
      In this stance the sword is held out in front of the body with the point of the blade angled near the floor or near the waste. This stance is derived from the Gedan stance, and and serves as the defensive and deceptive stance.
    • Shinten Shisei (震天, Quaking Heaven Stance): In this stance, the sword held raised above the head with the tip pointing back while the blade faces. This stance is derived from the Joudan stance and serves as the more aggressive of the three stances.
    Bankai:

    Name: Tenka Reijin (天下霊刃, Peerless Spirit Blade).
    Description: Upon activation of Bankai, the blade must be sheathed. This act represents the user staking their life, and the whole of their existence on the strength and wisdom of the sword. Doing so allows the user to perform three immensely powerful iaijutsu, at the cost of leaving the user vulnerable.
    • While This Bankai is active, the user cannot draw or otherwise make use of the blade except to perform iaijutsu.

    Ability: Uta no Ken (歌の剣, Blade song)
    Type: Active
    Element: Dark/Light
    Description: The songs sung by Tenka Reijin comes from the proof that it is a blade forged by the perfect harmonization of the user’s inner most strength, and the blade’s razor sharp edge. Regrettably, the joining results in a sorrowful tale told in three songs. By resonating with the user, the blade sings out it tragic tale, and with it calls forth destruction. Each time the blade resonates (or has resonated) a unique mark known as Sen (閃, flash) appears on the blade.
    • Ichiban no Uta: Kasha (一番の歌•華奢, First Song: Wheel of Flowers)
      Story:
      The first song is the tale of a fierce typhoon that sweeps through the lands, laying waste to countless innocent lives. Appearing amidst the wreckage a bed of cherry blossom petals upturned and thrown about by the storm. A sight as ugly as it was beautiful. When man was able to rebuild from the calamity, they forsook the gods that allow such misfortune to befall them, and turned to lives of sin and sacrilege.
      Description: This ability is an empowered version of Suimei Zangeki, where rather than creating two Hakaze following the attack of the user, and the phantom blade, a second phantom blade manifests to create a third Hakaze. Following the attack, a bed of cherry blossoms is left behind, much like the one in the story.
      • The first two Hakaze are of equal strength, while the third is much weaker.
      • Where Hakaze flows from can be the same as anywhere the Hakaze flows when used from any of the three Shisei.
      • Can only be used if Blade Resonance has occurred one or fewer times.
      • This song causes Blade Resonance to occur.
      • The blade must be immediately sheathed to rest it’s voice following this attack.
    • Niban no Uta: Mangetsu (二番の歌•満月, Second song: Fullmoon)
      Story:
      The second song is a tale of when the gods left man behind. Unable to forgive the endless flow of sin, the gods turned their back on mankind and left the world in complete darkness. The ceaseless black drove many mad and to death by their own hands, while others remained hopeful as the delusion or memory of moonlight gave them the will to live. It was a befitting punishment. To be forever lost to madness, or to be killed by it. The gods cared too much dirty their hands and erase their creations on their own, but leaving mankind to further undo themselves weighed much less on the hearts of the gods for a time...
      Description: This ability Chikyuu is an empowered version of Chikyuu no Nikushimi Zangeki. This ability first violent upturns the earth, and creates a dense cloud of dust that blots out all natural sources of light. Amidst the seemingly never-ending darkness, the user’s reiatsu coalesces in the sky to form a small shimmering light in the far off distance like the memory of moonlight from the story. While under this veil of darkness all sight would be rendered nil for those who could not see in the dark, except the user and those who can see by unnatural means. After darkness has taken a firm hold, a barrage of rock shards bombards any victims in a drawn out volley.
      • The cloud remains in place and will continue to blot out all light until somehow dispersed, or when the Bankai is sealed.
      • Can only be used after the blade has resonated twice.
      • This song causes blade resonance to occur.
      • The blade must be sheathed immediately after this attack to rest its voice.
    • Saigo no Uta: Midaare Setsugekka (最後の歌•乱れ雪月花, Final Song: Disturbance of Snow, Moon, and Flowers).
      Story:
      This song was first sung by the sorrowful gods after realizing their folly. This song foretells their ultimate demise by their own hands. Ashamed and upset by their overly harsh response to mankind the gods reasoned that they too deserved the same fate for their transgressions. The heavens and all of creation would be plunged into the ultimate state of chaos, ridding them, mankind, and all mistakes from existence.
      Description: The ultimate iaijutsu, and culmination of all of Reijin’s techniques. The result is an occurrence that can only be described as pure chaos.

      This powerful attack comes in three phases. First, a chilling darkness sweeps over the land, binding self, friend, and foe alike. While blinded by the dark, the user trusts that the blade will see the attack strike true, and swings to initate the second phase.

      A blizzard of steel as cold as winter erupts and flows outward as the user swings their blade. The result is a jarring shift from pitch-blackness to a blinding white, as thousands of Hakaze blade’s saturate the landscape and seek to cut away all in their path. When the blades litter the ground, painting the image of a frozen wasteland, the final phase initiates.

      The phantom of the blade arises in full, revealing its faceless figure. It is dressed in the torn attire of a shogun that fought for 10,000 days and 10,000 nights without rest. The phantom hangs its head in sorrow, and turns away in fear of its own power and swings immediately following the up the wielder’s attack. This swing creates a second storm blinding light. However, rather than the snow-like blades of the first swing, this second storm steel as warm as cherry blossom petals in the spring erupts from the phantom blade and flows forward.
      • If the blade resonates twice before Bankai, a third resonance occurs as soon as Bankai is activated.
        • As such, no other technique can be used, and the blade must remain sheathed until Midare Setsugekka is used.
      • This technique cannot be used until three Sen have been created.
      • None of Reijin’s other techniques can be used after the blade resonates a third time.
      • The radius of both storms cover is 150m.
      • After the darkness falls, the user cannot see or sense anything until after they swing their blade.
        • This effect is permanent until the blade is used, or until the Bankai is sealed.
        • The phantom however can see its target before it makes its attack.
      • While the first storm feels cold, and the second feels warm neither has an ice or fire affinity. This is merely a side-effect of the lack and abundance of light.
      • Upon completion of this technique, the blade must allow its voice to recover. It is forcibly sheathed, and reverts to its sealed state and cannot be drawn again for the remainder of the battle.
    Last edited by Asano on Wed Aug 30, 2017 7:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

    It would come in a blur, and seek to lay waste to them all.
    In a flash, the beast sought to let loose a calamity crafted by its own hands.
    Its sole purpose to leave nothing but charred remains and ash...


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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #67

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am

    Silverdrake wrote:
    Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:52 pm
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:37 pm
    Rewrote the ability, think this should be better
    Name:: Tenbatsu
    ability:Lightning
    Type: Active
    Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.


    viewtopic.php?f=148&t=77
    certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use
    Does it shorten with higher use or lower use? What is the minimum charge time?

    Don't you have to activate Haven to get the clouds?
    converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body
    I don't understand what you mean by this.


    Thank you for the link.

    It has no specific charge time as the cloud stabilization depends on the level of use in his Shikai and how he uses it, which could range from 3-4post....depends.


    No, in Tenbatsu Aoshi becomes the embodiment of lightning as his whole body acts as a tank, container, reservoir of lightning....e.t.c Haven isn't needed in this case and also doesn't require its activation of the clouds as Aoshi can already relate to it and make it his own. This should also answer your last question.


    I think the better answer to your question about the superior spatial version of Aoshi's body is that in Tenbatsu my environment becomes my body, so every particle within it is at my absolute control, including me

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #68

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:19 pm

    I would also want to change Raijin with this new ability

    Kishin(demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy that appears constant in a cloaked form on his person, Increasing his manipulation of lightning to vast lengths. A side effect is the even more excited state of his body cells at their most basic level, causing further increased to his innate speed and reflexes to be awakened in him. With this ability, he can channel and concentrate large of said energy into any part of his body or objects he is in contact with, either for defensive or offensive purposes, and it includes been able to fire off amounts and superior interactions with external electric fields, the conveyance extends to great distances.

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #69

    Post by Silverdrake » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:11 pm

    Asano wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:46 am
    Zanpakutou: Reijin
    First, a deadly flaw: the shikai is unusable until all abilities are unlocked, because the stances that the first three depend on are contained in the fourth ability. Even moving them to the first slot would leave the flaw, because the shikai would still be unusable until the second ability was unlocked.

    Second, the stances are merely stances. While a specific stance may be required to activate a specific variant of an ability, they are not, in themselves, a separate ability. They are conditions of the shikai's function, nothing more.

    Move the descriptions of the stances to the shikai description and choose another ability, if you like. Or leave it with three if that suits your concept of this zanpakutou.

    Third, lots of "it's" instead of "its". Auto(in)correct? Also other 's that should be s. Just so it looks nice.
    Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Suimei (必殺剣•水明, Certain Death Blade: Shimmering Water)
    Element: None
    Type: Active.
    Descriptions: An attack designed for the sole purpose of cutting an enemy down. A result of any of the user’s slashing attacks done while calling out the word “Suimei”, a trail of hundreds of smaller slashing blades known as hakaze (刃風, blade wind) is generated user’s spiritual energy and follows the path of the user’s attack. Upon manifestation, the mass of small blades appears like sunlight reflecting off gentle waters.
    Missing a word. This makes it a kidou-type attack and there is no mention of what its power level is, nor what power range it can be.

    Or are we getting away from doing that? Because nothing in here has one. I could see it being the power of the user's zanjutsu or zanpakutou instead of a kidou equivalent, but .... New board, new rules? Fill me in.
    From Yaten Shisei: Rather than flowing from the main blade, the Hakaze manifests from the ground when the user is slashing forward, from the behind the opponent when slashing from below, and from the opposite side when slashing from either the left or right.

    However, the Hakaze only reaches as far as the user’s blade can (approx. 1.8m), except when striking from the back. In which case it can reach far enough to hit the target should they be in striking distance of the user.
    Muddled. Does the opponent need to be within striking distance of the actual blade for all of them, or only when the ability attacks from behind? If for all, the distance restriction should be the main description, and just state the reach of Hakaze. Do the attacks from behind and sides also come from the ground, or out of the air? If all come from the ground, that also should be stated as part of a main description.
    From Shinten Shisei: The Hakaze flows down from above the user and opponent almost like a rain of blades when executed. From this stance the blades are concentrated in a tighter area, making their potential to do harm significantly greater when done from this stance.
    What is the area of this attack? By the description above, the user is within the area. Does he take damage or is he immune to it? What's its strength (if we're doing that)?
    Cannot be used without first assuming a defined stance.
    Put this in the general description of the ability or as the first item in the variant list.
    Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Anbu Zangeki (必殺剣•暗部斬撃, Certain Death Blade: Dark side slashing)

    From Yaten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from the user’s projected shadow and slashed forward from whichever direction possible to make its attack.
    'Projected" shadow? "Slashed forward" doesn't really mesh with "whatever direction."
    From Shinten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from behind the user and swings from wherever and however the user pleases.
    "From" behind? Might be clearer if you deleted "from" because that almost makes it sound as if it's emerging from his back. Manifests at what range behind? Or if it is from his back, say so.
    Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Chikyuu no Nikushimi Zangeki (必殺剣•地球斬撃の憎しみ, Certain Death Blade: Hatred of Earth Slash)
    Again, give a strength or say we're not doing that anymore.
    This technique can be used with out a stance defined stance.
    • In which case the effects will always be similar the effects produced when executed from Gyouten Shisei.
    Fix typo. Put this in the general description of the ability or as the first item in the list. Given the stance requirements for all other variants, this should be a weaker version, not a similar one.
    Bankai:

    Ability: Uta no Ken (歌の剣, Blade song)

    Each time the blade resonates (or has resonated) a unique mark known as Sen (閃, flash) appears on the blade.
    Since this appears to include resonance in shikai (per Saigo no Uta), do a slight reword: "For each time the blade resonates, or has resonated, ..." and move to the Tenka Reijin description.
    [*]Niban no Uta: Mangetsu (二番の歌•満月, Second song: Fullmoon)

    Description: This ability Chikyuu is an empowered version of Chikyuu no Nikushimi Zangeki. This ability first violent upturns the earth, and creates a dense cloud of dust that blots out all natural sources of light. Amidst the seemingly never-ending darkness, the user’s reiatsu coalesces in the sky to form a small shimmering light in the far off distance like the memory of moonlight from the story. While under this veil of darkness all sight would be rendered nil for those who could not see in the dark, except the user and those who can see by unnatural means. After darkness has taken a firm hold, a barrage of rock shards bombards any victims in a drawn out volley.

    The cloud remains in place and will continue to blot out all light until somehow dispersed, or when the Bankai is sealed.
    Remove edit rash.

    Does "all natural sources of light" mean only ambient sources from nature? I.e., If the opponent generated a light, would that also be blotted out?

    Is the light point visible but casts no light?

    It's not just the darkness. Wouldn't the thick cloud of dust render all sight nil for everyone except by unnatural means (reiatsu, radar, sonar, etc.), or can the user see through the dust by means of the light (reiatsu coalesced and thus not available for sensing)?

    What is the affected area and how long does the rock bombardment last? Strength?

    Does the cloud remain in a fixed location so that one could move out of it, or does it follow the user?
    Can only be used after the blade has resonated twice.
    Semi-conflict with conditions under Saigo no Uta, as this wording appears open-ended after twice. Move the general resonance limits to main bankai description and leave the ability limits under the abilities.
    Saigo no Uta: Midaare Setsugekka (最後の歌•乱れ雪月花, Final Song: Disturbance of Snow, Moon, and Flowers).

    This powerful attack comes in three phases. First, a chilling darkness sweeps over the land, binding self, friend, and foe alike. While blinded by the dark, the user trusts that the blade will see the attack strike true, and swings to initate the second phase.
    Typo? Or is everyone bound?
    A blizzard of steel as cold as winter erupts and flows outward as the user swings their blade. The result is a jarring shift from pitch-blackness to a blinding white, as thousands of Hakaze blade’s saturate the landscape and seek to cut away all in their path. When the blades litter the ground, painting the image of a frozen wasteland, the final phase initiates.

    The phantom of the blade arises in full, revealing its faceless figure. It is dressed in the torn attire of a shogun that fought for 10,000 days and 10,000 nights without rest. The phantom hangs its head in sorrow, and turns away in fear of its own power and swings immediately following the up the wielder’s attack. This swing creates a second storm blinding light. However, rather than the snow-like blades of the first swing, this second storm steel as warm as cherry blossom petals in the spring erupts from the phantom blade and flows forward.
    Strength? This appears to be directional attacks with an arc of the blades' swing, but "saturate the landscape" sounds omnidirectional. 'Following up the wielder's attack' makes it seem to go in the same direction, but the phantom can see the target. Does the darkness return between the two attacks or is the second light even brighter than the first?

    Edit rash

    Missing word

    Wording nitpick: "flows" doesn't give a sense of speediness or force.
    [*]None of Reijin’s other techniques can be used after the blade resonates a third time.
    Reijin or Tenka Reijin? If this applies to the shikai, this should be noted at the end of the shikai write-up after the blade resonance instances.


    Denied in current form.




    ==================================================================

    Added in 1 hour 20 minutes 2 seconds:
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:52 pm
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:37 pm
    Rewrote the ability, think this should be better
    Name:: Tenbatsu
    ability:Lightning
    Type: Active
    Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.


    viewtopic.php?f=148&t=77
    certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use
    Does it shorten with higher use or lower use? What is the minimum charge time?

    Don't you have to activate Haven to get the clouds?
    converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body
    I don't understand what you mean by this.

    Thank you for the link.
    It has no specific charge time as the cloud stabilization depends on the level of use in his Shikai and how he uses it, which could range from 3-4post....depends.

    No, in Tenbatsu Aoshi becomes the embodiment of lightning as his whole body acts as a tank, container, reservoir of lightning....e.t.c Haven isn't needed in this case and also doesn't require its activation of the clouds as Aoshi can already relate to it and make it his own. This should also answer your last question.

    I think the better answer to your question about the superior spatial version of Aoshi's body is that in Tenbatsu my environment becomes my body, so every particle within it is at my absolute control, including me
    So this ability also generates the clouds. Say so.

    No, you cannot have absolute control over every particle in your environment.

    No, you cannot change your body to lightning.


    How many shikai abilities does 2nd Division allow, because this would be your fifth.


    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:19 pm
    I would also want to change Raijin with this new ability

    Kishin(demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy that appears constant in a cloaked form on his person, Increasing his manipulation of lightning to vast lengths. A side effect is the even more excited state of his body cells at their most basic level, causing further increased to his innate speed and reflexes to be awakened in him. With this ability, he can channel and concentrate large of said energy into any part of his body or objects he is in contact with, either for defensive or offensive purposes, and it includes been able to fire off amounts and superior interactions with external electric fields, the conveyance extends to great distances.
    Again, NO, you cannot change your body to lightning. This has already been denied multiple times. No boosts are allowed in shikai. If you bring them up again, your Captain will get a nasty-gram. Stop wasting our time with this.

    With extensive re-write and refinement, this MIGHT become acceptable for a bankai ability. It is totally unacceptable for a shikai ability.

    Stop trying for "Power overwhelming!" On your current zan, Zeus is acceptable only because it's single-use. Raijin's armor is OP as hell for shikai. In fact, someone back when got that level denied in no uncertain terms because it is completely asinine. So be grateful that you slipped that one past the reviewer, who apparently didn't actually think A) that it never takes damage and has to be restored, B) what it actually takes to overcome that level of armor and C) what a ridiculous advantage it gives Aoshi, especially against anyone near his level. Not to mention that Raijin is basically three abilities rolled into one.

    I suggest you read what Asano said here and take his advice.

    For instance:

    Instead of cloud/lightning make the element storm. Have the clouds form on the activation of the shikai and be the basis for all the other abilities.

    Ability 1: Aoshi could have heightened senses for anything under the clouds.

    Ability 2: Rewrite Haven to charge the area so that Aoshi could create lightning from any affected surface.

    Ability 3: He could draw lightning from the clouds to form armor (at a reasonable level) and restore it after it's been damaged by an attack.

    Ability 4: Then after 5 posts, Zeus! BOOM!

    That would be a cohesive and non-OP shikai with plenty of versatility and room for expansion to bankai. As Asano said, what you have right now is a mess.
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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #70

    Post by Asano » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:57 pm

    Silverdrake wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:51 pm
    First, a deadly flaw: the shikai is unusable until all abilities are unlocked, because the stances that the first three depend on are contained in the fourth ability. Even moving them to the first slot would leave the flaw, because the shikai would still be unusable until the second ability was unlocked.
    In a sense, that’s kinda the point. But I get what you’re saying. I could take your advice on the stance change since it virtually does nothing on its own.

    But for a new ability.... hmm... I think I have an idea.
    Second, the stances are merely stances. While a specific stance may be required to activate a specific variant of an ability, they are not, in themselves, a separate ability. They are conditions of the shikai's function, nothing more.
    They were more of a built-in flaw with the Zanpakutou. Not as drastic as the Bankai’s limitations, but a reflection of the high discipline needed in order to make proper use of the zan. It’s more of a thematic choice, but also a balancing choice given its very...tricky nature.
    Move the descriptions of the stances to the shikai description and choose another ability, if you like. Or leave it with three if that suits your concept of this zanpakutou.
    I’ll move it.
    Third, lots of "it's" instead of "its". Auto(in)correct? Also other 's that should be s. Just so it looks nice.
    Pains of using a mobile device •n•.
    Missing a word. This makes it a kidou-type attack and there is no mention of what its power level is, nor what power range it can be.
    Missing a word. But I tend to obsess over the minor issues like that in the final version or after I post it. As for the other thing...
    Or are we getting away from doing that? Because nothing in here has one. I could see it being the power of the user's zanjutsu or zanpakutou instead of a kidou equivalent, but .... New board, new rules? Fill me in.
    I’m slightly trying to get away from the power equivalent for this zan specifically. Doesn’t really suit the zan. It’s more supposed to be about the # of “blades” it’s creating. The simulation of hundreds of blades is supposed to indicate the power much more so than the energy creating them. Not sure how exactly to equate its power much better than that for what it is.
    Muddled. Does the opponent need to be within striking distance of the actual blade for all of them, or only when the ability attacks from behind?
    Yeah it’s supposed to be the actual blade.
    If for all, the distance restriction should be the main description, and just state the reach of Hakaze.
    Noted.
    Do the attacks from behind and sides also come from the ground, or out of the air? If all come from the ground, that also should be stated as part of a main description.
    Sides, from the phantom blade. Behind, from the “air”. But I see your point.
    What is the area of this attack? By the description above, the user is within the area. Does he take damage or is he immune to it? What's its strength (if we're doing that)?
    Should include the immediate area ot confine it to the length (or portion of the length of the blade). Any exact distance/area would be problematic. While technically the user could be affected, it’s mainly meant to be concentrated over the area in which the opponent is standing. Clarifying that eloquently may be beyond my ability •u•

    That all said, I could potentially play up the potential blowback or collateral from this attack. It’s mainly supposed to be about discipline so adding in that risk would be an interesting mechanic. But how to play that out would be difficult.
    Put this in the general description of the ability or as the first item in the variant list.
    Maybe. I don’t want to oversatuate the descriptions with info too much (that’s what the Bankai is for). Mainly I try to keep those to a minimum, and only describe the ability’s basic principles and not too much else. Any rules or condintionals I keep to spoilers and such.

    That said I’ll consider a complete rewrite to hit all your points while trying to keep things succinct.
    'Projected" shadow? "Slashed forward" doesn't really mesh with "whatever direction."
    Cast/Projected it’s whatever shadows do. The slashing forward part is meant to imply at the target, but I can edit that. Overall, it’s meant to be explicitly confined to user’s shadow from Yaten.
    "From" behind? Might be clearer if you deleted "from" because that almost makes it sound as if it's emerging from his back. Manifests at what range behind? Or if it is from his back, say so.
    Great point actually. For what I’m envisioning it as and basing it on (a stand), modifying the statement to better fit that would be wise.
    Again, give a strength or say we're not doing that anymore.
    It’s kinda hard. It’s mainly supposed to be a physical focused zan, with some spiritual elements. That said the strength should be inherent in the description itself, given by the fact its able to break up/launch stones of varying size. Also furthermore Chikyuu Zangeki is more purely physical than perhaps Suimei or Anbu Zangeki. I could at best mention the potential damage the stone shards being flung forward can do.
    Given the stance requirements for all other variants, this should be a weaker version, not a similar one.
    Hmmm... great idea! But also not great idea. The ability is more dependent on the user’s own physical capability than it is the Zanpakutou’s influence. Hmm...
    Since this appears to include resonance in shikai (per Saigo no Uta), do a slight reword: "For each time the blade resonates, or has resonated, ..." and move to the Tenka Reijin description.
    Ahhhh yeah. To be honest, the Bankai was partially an afterthought. How the whole blade resonance thing worked was different in the original post before I included Bankai. Guess the artifacts of that remained >.< whoops.
    Remove edit rash.Does "all natural sources of light" mean only ambient sources from nature? I.e., If the opponent generated a light, would that also be blotted out?
    It’s meant exactly as it’s written. An opponent could create their light source...could specify...vaguely (Contradictory!)

    Is the light point visible but casts no light?
    As contradictory as that is, yes. What I should do is edit it so that the reiatsu evokes the “memory” of moonlight, or creates an illusion of it as a distraction method.
    It's not just the darkness. Wouldn't the thick cloud of dust render all sight nil for everyone except by unnatural means (reiatsu, radar, sonar, etc.), or can the user see through the dust by means of the light (reiatsu coalesced and thus not available for sensing)?
    Yes it would render all “sight” nil, other senses would be good to go however, (but reiatsu based senses would be pointless). And no the user would not be able to see. Could clarify that (but it hardly matters given the nature of the attack).

    As mentioned above the coalesced reiatsu is meant for distraction. Will make other senses more apparent in a rewrite.
    What is the affected area and how long does the rock bombardment last? Strength?
    I may need your help with this actually. Given the more physical aspect of this zan, figuring out the extent of this ability will be tricky. It needs to be above that of Chikyuu but overall less extreme than Midare.
    Does the cloud remain in a fixed location so that one could move out of it, or does it follow the user?
    It would technically remain fixed...but it would have to be wide enough to block out all natural light in the area. At best, the equivalent would be like Kyouraku’s Bankai. Large enough to seem too go on forever but not large enough to cover all of Wahrwelt. But maybe it’d be more akin to Tousen’s Bankai but on a much larger scale.

    In terms of scope what would you consider acceptable?
    Semi-conflict with conditions under Saigo no Uta, as this wording appears open-ended after twice. Move the general resonance limits to main bankai description and leave the ability limits under the abilities.
    I think I’ll change it to after two Sen have been acquired, or something along those lines. More to the point of the limitation.
    Typo? Or is everyone bound?
    Massive typo. Should be “blind”.
    Strength?
    Again not necessarily applicable here. This is much like Byakuya’s zanpakutou. Can’t equated in terms of Kidou like zetsriel of anything else. The strength is more of an abstract concept as it’s more about the sheer volume of blades.
    This appears to be directional attacks with an arc of the blades' swing, but "saturate the landscape" sounds omnidirectional.


    Omni-directionalish. Should adjust to flowing forward from the point of the slash...kinda like it does with Suimei from Gyouten Shisei.
    'Following up the wielder's attack'
    As in going after.
    makes it seem to go in the same direction, but the phantom can see the target.
    Considering the wide area of effect, direction is largely unimportant.
    Does the darkness return between the two attacks or is the second light even brighter than the first?
    Dark > light > light.

    Wording nitpick: "flows" doesn't give a sense of speediness or force.
    Force is easy. I may allude to a typhoon here. Speed may also be implied from that, perhaps something a bit more precise is possible. I’ll have to ask your opinion on acceptability for this case.
    Reijin or Tenka Reijin? If this applies to the shikai, this should be noted at the end of the shikai write-up after the blade resonance instances.
    Tenka Reijin. Will edit.

    Conceptually, may I ask your opinion? Especially on the Bankai’s Iaijutsu limitation, versus its level of power (loosely speaking)? Does it cover the hyper-offensive, limited defensive nature appropriately?

    It would come in a blur, and seek to lay waste to them all.
    In a flash, the beast sought to let loose a calamity crafted by its own hands.
    Its sole purpose to leave nothing but charred remains and ash...


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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #71

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:11 pm

    Silverdrake wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:11 pm
    Asano wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:46 am
    Zanpakutou: Reijin
    First, a deadly flaw: the shikai is unusable until all abilities are unlocked, because the stances that the first three depend on are contained in the fourth ability. Even moving them to the first slot would leave the flaw, because the shikai would still be unusable until the second ability was unlocked.

    Second, the stances are merely stances. While a specific stance may be required to activate a specific variant of an ability, they are not, in themselves, a separate ability. They are conditions of the shikai's function, nothing more.

    Move the descriptions of the stances to the shikai description and choose another ability, if you like. Or leave it with three if that suits your concept of this zanpakutou.

    Third, lots of "it's" instead of "its". Auto(in)correct? Also other 's that should be s. Just so it looks nice.
    Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Suimei (必殺剣•水明, Certain Death Blade: Shimmering Water)
    Element: None
    Type: Active.
    Descriptions: An attack designed for the sole purpose of cutting an enemy down. A result of any of the user’s slashing attacks done while calling out the word “Suimei”, a trail of hundreds of smaller slashing blades known as hakaze (刃風, blade wind) is generated user’s spiritual energy and follows the path of the user’s attack. Upon manifestation, the mass of small blades appears like sunlight reflecting off gentle waters.
    Missing a word. This makes it a kidou-type attack and there is no mention of what its power level is, nor what power range it can be.

    Or are we getting away from doing that? Because nothing in here has one. I could see it being the power of the user's zanjutsu or zanpakutou instead of a kidou equivalent, but .... New board, new rules? Fill me in.
    From Yaten Shisei: Rather than flowing from the main blade, the Hakaze manifests from the ground when the user is slashing forward, from the behind the opponent when slashing from below, and from the opposite side when slashing from either the left or right.

    However, the Hakaze only reaches as far as the user’s blade can (approx. 1.8m), except when striking from the back. In which case it can reach far enough to hit the target should they be in striking distance of the user.
    Muddled. Does the opponent need to be within striking distance of the actual blade for all of them, or only when the ability attacks from behind? If for all, the distance restriction should be the main description, and just state the reach of Hakaze. Do the attacks from behind and sides also come from the ground, or out of the air? If all come from the ground, that also should be stated as part of a main description.
    From Shinten Shisei: The Hakaze flows down from above the user and opponent almost like a rain of blades when executed. From this stance the blades are concentrated in a tighter area, making their potential to do harm significantly greater when done from this stance.
    What is the area of this attack? By the description above, the user is within the area. Does he take damage or is he immune to it? What's its strength (if we're doing that)?
    Cannot be used without first assuming a defined stance.
    Put this in the general description of the ability or as the first item in the variant list.
    Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Anbu Zangeki (必殺剣•暗部斬撃, Certain Death Blade: Dark side slashing)

    From Yaten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from the user’s projected shadow and slashed forward from whichever direction possible to make its attack.
    'Projected" shadow? "Slashed forward" doesn't really mesh with "whatever direction."
    From Shinten Shisei: The phantom hand manifests from behind the user and swings from wherever and however the user pleases.
    "From" behind? Might be clearer if you deleted "from" because that almost makes it sound as if it's emerging from his back. Manifests at what range behind? Or if it is from his back, say so.
    Ability: Hissatsu Ken: Chikyuu no Nikushimi Zangeki (必殺剣•地球斬撃の憎しみ, Certain Death Blade: Hatred of Earth Slash)
    Again, give a strength or say we're not doing that anymore.
    This technique can be used with out a stance defined stance.
    • In which case the effects will always be similar the effects produced when executed from Gyouten Shisei.
    Fix typo. Put this in the general description of the ability or as the first item in the list. Given the stance requirements for all other variants, this should be a weaker version, not a similar one.
    Bankai:

    Ability: Uta no Ken (歌の剣, Blade song)

    Each time the blade resonates (or has resonated) a unique mark known as Sen (閃, flash) appears on the blade.
    Since this appears to include resonance in shikai (per Saigo no Uta), do a slight reword: "For each time the blade resonates, or has resonated, ..." and move to the Tenka Reijin description.
    [*]Niban no Uta: Mangetsu (二番の歌•満月, Second song: Fullmoon)

    Description: This ability Chikyuu is an empowered version of Chikyuu no Nikushimi Zangeki. This ability first violent upturns the earth, and creates a dense cloud of dust that blots out all natural sources of light. Amidst the seemingly never-ending darkness, the user’s reiatsu coalesces in the sky to form a small shimmering light in the far off distance like the memory of moonlight from the story. While under this veil of darkness all sight would be rendered nil for those who could not see in the dark, except the user and those who can see by unnatural means. After darkness has taken a firm hold, a barrage of rock shards bombards any victims in a drawn out volley.

    The cloud remains in place and will continue to blot out all light until somehow dispersed, or when the Bankai is sealed.
    Remove edit rash.

    Does "all natural sources of light" mean only ambient sources from nature? I.e., If the opponent generated a light, would that also be blotted out?

    Is the light point visible but casts no light?

    It's not just the darkness. Wouldn't the thick cloud of dust render all sight nil for everyone except by unnatural means (reiatsu, radar, sonar, etc.), or can the user see through the dust by means of the light (reiatsu coalesced and thus not available for sensing)?

    What is the affected area and how long does the rock bombardment last? Strength?

    Does the cloud remain in a fixed location so that one could move out of it, or does it follow the user?
    Can only be used after the blade has resonated twice.
    Semi-conflict with conditions under Saigo no Uta, as this wording appears open-ended after twice. Move the general resonance limits to main bankai description and leave the ability limits under the abilities.
    Saigo no Uta: Midaare Setsugekka (最後の歌•乱れ雪月花, Final Song: Disturbance of Snow, Moon, and Flowers).

    This powerful attack comes in three phases. First, a chilling darkness sweeps over the land, binding self, friend, and foe alike. While blinded by the dark, the user trusts that the blade will see the attack strike true, and swings to initate the second phase.
    Typo? Or is everyone bound?
    A blizzard of steel as cold as winter erupts and flows outward as the user swings their blade. The result is a jarring shift from pitch-blackness to a blinding white, as thousands of Hakaze blade’s saturate the landscape and seek to cut away all in their path. When the blades litter the ground, painting the image of a frozen wasteland, the final phase initiates.

    The phantom of the blade arises in full, revealing its faceless figure. It is dressed in the torn attire of a shogun that fought for 10,000 days and 10,000 nights without rest. The phantom hangs its head in sorrow, and turns away in fear of its own power and swings immediately following the up the wielder’s attack. This swing creates a second storm blinding light. However, rather than the snow-like blades of the first swing, this second storm steel as warm as cherry blossom petals in the spring erupts from the phantom blade and flows forward.
    Strength? This appears to be directional attacks with an arc of the blades' swing, but "saturate the landscape" sounds omnidirectional. 'Following up the wielder's attack' makes it seem to go in the same direction, but the phantom can see the target. Does the darkness return between the two attacks or is the second light even brighter than the first?

    Edit rash

    Missing word

    Wording nitpick: "flows" doesn't give a sense of speediness or force.
    [*]None of Reijin’s other techniques can be used after the blade resonates a third time.
    Reijin or Tenka Reijin? If this applies to the shikai, this should be noted at the end of the shikai write-up after the blade resonance instances.


    Denied in current form.




    ==================================================================

    Added in 1 hour 20 minutes 2 seconds:
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:52 pm



    Does it shorten with higher use or lower use? What is the minimum charge time?

    Don't you have to activate Haven to get the clouds?

    I don't understand what you mean by this.

    Thank you for the link.
    It has no specific charge time as the cloud stabilization depends on the level of use in his Shikai and how he uses it, which could range from 3-4post....depends.

    No, in Tenbatsu Aoshi becomes the embodiment of lightning as his whole body acts as a tank, container, reservoir of lightning....e.t.c Haven isn't needed in this case and also doesn't require its activation of the clouds as Aoshi can already relate to it and make it his own. This should also answer your last question.

    I think the better answer to your question about the superior spatial version of Aoshi's body is that in Tenbatsu my environment becomes my body, so every particle within it is at my absolute control, including me
    So this ability also generates the clouds. Say so.

    No, you cannot have absolute control over every particle in your environment.

    No, you cannot change your body to lightning.


    How many shikai abilities does 2nd Division allow, because this would be your fifth.


    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:19 pm
    I would also want to change Raijin with this new ability

    Kishin(demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy that appears constant in a cloaked form on his person, Increasing his manipulation of lightning to vast lengths. A side effect is the even more excited state of his body cells at their most basic level, causing further increased to his innate speed and reflexes to be awakened in him. With this ability, he can channel and concentrate large of said energy into any part of his body or objects he is in contact with, either for defensive or offensive purposes, and it includes been able to fire off amounts and superior interactions with external electric fields, the conveyance extends to great distances.
    Again, NO, you cannot change your body to lightning. This has already been denied multiple times. No boosts are allowed in shikai. If you bring them up again, your Captain will get a nasty-gram. Stop wasting our time with this.

    With extensive re-write and refinement, this MIGHT become acceptable for a bankai ability. It is totally unacceptable for a shikai ability.

    Stop trying for "Power overwhelming!" On your current zan, Zeus is acceptable only because it's single-use. Raijin's armor is OP as hell for shikai. In fact, someone back when got that level denied in no uncertain terms because it is completely asinine. So be grateful that you slipped that one past the reviewer, who apparently didn't actually think A) that it never takes damage and has to be restored, B) what it actually takes to overcome that level of armor and C) what a ridiculous advantage it gives Aoshi, especially against anyone near his level. Not to mention that Raijin is basically three abilities rolled into one.

    I suggest you read what Asano said here and take his advice.

    For instance:

    Instead of cloud/lightning make the element storm. Have the clouds form on the activation of the shikai and be the basis for all the other abilities.

    Ability 1: Aoshi could have heightened senses for anything under the clouds.

    Ability 2: Rewrite Haven to charge the area so that Aoshi could create lightning from any affected surface.

    Ability 3: He could draw lightning from the clouds to form armor (at a reasonable level) and restore it after it's been damaged by an attack.

    Ability 4: Then after 5 posts, Zeus! BOOM!

    That would be a cohesive and non-OP shikai with plenty of versatility and room for expansion to bankai. As Asano said, what you have right now is a mess.

    For Tenbatsu I don't turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.

    Yes one can have complete control over all electric particles depending on the right situation and how it occurred this gives room for the person to be able to create lightning out of thin air.

    It doesn't generate clouds. It makes use of the already existing clouds that Haven brings.

    Kishin doesn't allow Aoshi to turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.

    Lightning comes with speed, saying that not allowing lightning speed is funny because it is the same thing as not allowing fire heat. If you like tell all fire users that they cannot have heat....there are certain things that comes with certain elements.

    Now I have said many times, Tenbatsu is a replacement of Thunderclap.....and Kishin is a replacement of Raijin.

    Haven=Manipulate clouds While Tenbatsu= Charges up and Stabilizes the clouds.

    This not like Tenbatsu Negates any ability that is under the direct control of an opponent. In Tenbatsu Aoshi's body becomes fully enveloped with lightning.... Note he doesn't transform into lightning.
    Again, NO, you cannot change your body to lightning. This has already been denied multiple times.
    Again your misunderstanding the concept of convert his body into a massive store of condensed lightning that appears as a CLOAK on his person. This did not say it transforms Aoshi into lightning. It says that Aoshi's body stores the lightning, his body becomes a reservoir of electricity. That is cloaked on his body.....just like Raikags' 4th Raikage.....notice that 4th Raikage's body is cloaked in Lightning.

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #72

    Post by Silverdrake » Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:39 am

    Asano wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:57 pm
    In a sense, that’s kinda the point. But I get what you’re saying. I could take your advice on the stance change since it virtually does nothing on its own.

    But for a new ability.... hmm... I think I have an idea.

    They were more of a built-in flaw with the Zanpakutou. Not as drastic as the Bankai’s limitations, but a reflection of the high discipline needed in order to make proper use of the zan. It’s more of a thematic choice, but also a balancing choice given its very...tricky nature.

    I’ll move it.
    It would be rather difficult to get mastery of abilities that one cannot practice. ;)
    I’m slightly trying to get away from the power equivalent for this zan specifically. Doesn’t really suit the zan. It’s more supposed to be about the # of “blades” it’s creating. The simulation of hundreds of blades is supposed to indicate the power much more so than the energy creating them. Not sure how exactly to equate its power much better than that for what it is.
    Might get rid of the bit of it creating the blades out of the user's reiatsu. That would focus it on the weapon and make it easier to gauge for the opponent -- equivalent to the power of the sword swing.
    Do the attacks from behind and sides also come from the ground, or out of the air? If all come from the ground, that also should be stated as part of a main description.
    Sides, from the phantom blade. Behind, from the “air”. But I see your point.
    Kinda weird that forward is from the ground and the others from elsewhere. However, Hakaze "follows the path of the user’s attack" so what phantom blade? And why do side slashes make them come from the opposite side? If you want a "phantom blade" in this, you'll need to state one.
    Should include the immediate area ot confine it to the length (or portion of the length of the blade). Any exact distance/area would be problematic. While technically the user could be affected, it’s mainly meant to be concentrated over the area in which the opponent is standing. Clarifying that eloquently may be beyond my ability •u•
    Rains down on an area with radius equal to the length of the blade centered on its tip?
    Put this in the general description of the ability or as the first item in the variant list.
    Maybe. I don’t want to oversatuate the descriptions with info too much (that’s what the Bankai is for). Mainly I try to keep those to a minimum, and only describe the ability’s basic principles and not too much else. Any rules or condintionals I keep to spoilers and such.
    It's already there, so hardly over-saturation. General conditions should be stated up front. As is, you have it as an after-thought.
    Cast/Projected it’s whatever shadows do. The slashing forward part is meant to imply at the target, but I can edit that. Overall, it’s meant to be explicitly confined to user’s shadow from Yaten.
    Remove "projected." From the shadow is clear enough. "Projected" makes it sound like the shadow is doing something other than just being there.
    Great point actually. For what I’m envisioning it as and basing it on (a stand), modifying the statement to better fit that would be wise.
    Not familiar with that one, so I don't really get what you might be thinking. I'll leave it to you.
    Again, give a strength or say we're not doing that anymore.
    It’s kinda hard. It’s mainly supposed to be a physical focused zan, with some spiritual elements. That said the strength should be inherent in the description itself, given by the fact its able to break up/launch stones of varying size. Also furthermore Chikyuu Zangeki is more purely physical than perhaps Suimei or Anbu Zangeki. I could at best mention the potential damage the stone shards being flung forward can do.
    Focus it on the physical.
    Given the stance requirements for all other variants, this should be a weaker version, not a similar one.
    Hmmm... great idea! But also not great idea. The ability is more dependent on the user’s own physical capability than it is the Zanpakutou’s influence. Hmm...
    You said it's about discipline and limitations. A non-stance swing is lacking in both.
    Does "all natural sources of light" mean only ambient sources from nature? I.e., If the opponent generated a light, would that also be blotted out?
    It’s meant exactly as it’s written. An opponent could create their light source...could specify...vaguely (Contradictory!)
    If you want total darkness, make it "all sources of light."
    Yes it would render all “sight” nil, other senses would be good to go however, (but reiatsu based senses would be pointless). And no the user would not be able to see. Could clarify that (but it hardly matters given the nature of the attack).
    With the user's reiatsu coalesced into the light, why would opponent reiatsu sense be pointless?

    "While under this veil of darkness all sight would be rendered nil for those who could not see in the dark, except the user and those who can see by unnatural means." So I gotta wonder by what means the user is seeing...?
    I may need your help with this actually. Given the more physical aspect of this zan, figuring out the extent of this ability will be tricky. It needs to be above that of Chikyuu but overall less extreme than Midare.

    It would technically remain fixed...but it would have to be wide enough to block out all natural light in the area. At best, the equivalent would be like Kyouraku’s Bankai. Large enough to seem too go on forever but not large enough to cover all of Wahrwelt. But maybe it’d be more akin to Tousen’s Bankai but on a much larger scale.
    Size of rocks, speed of rocks.... "drawn out volley" could be multiple posts or even until the ability ends. The dust is blocking the light. Midare (Midaare?) is 150m. Chikyuu is 5m. Bankai increases power 10x would be 50m. Tatsuki's cloud* is 243m radius. Unless you raise the range of Mida/are....

    *
    BTW, is "神の影嵐 Kami no Kage Arashi" the proper translation of "Storm God's Shadow"?
    I think I’ll change it to after two Sen have been acquired, or something along those lines. More to the point of the limitation.
    That's basically what it says, right now. The problem is that the three sen limit is way down under the third ability's spoiler. That's why I suggested putting those up with the bankai description as the general rules. The one-sen and two-sen abilities would then be clearer as to their use limits.
    Again not necessarily applicable here. This is much like Byakuya’s zanpakutou. Can’t equated in terms of Kidou like zetsriel of anything else. The strength is more of an abstract concept as it’s more about the sheer volume of blades.

    Omni-directionalish. Should adjust to flowing forward from the point of the slash...kinda like it does with Suimei from Gyouten Shisei.
    Any variance in damage potential with distance as in Suimei?
    'Following up the wielder's attack'
    As in going after.
    Then just say immediately after.
    makes it seem to go in the same direction, but the phantom can see the target.
    Considering the wide area of effect, direction is largely unimportant.
    Not if the user is facing away from the opponent. :D
    Dark > light > light.
    Might say even brighter, then.
    Wording nitpick: "flows" doesn't give a sense of speediness or force.
    Force is easy. I may allude to a typhoon here. Speed may also be implied from that, perhaps something a bit more precise is possible. I’ll have to ask your opinion on acceptability for this case.
    A blizzard of steel as cold as winter erupts outward as the user swings their blade.

    This swing creates an even brighter blinding light. Rather than the snow-like blades of the first swing, this second storm of steel is as warm as cherry blossom petals in the spring as it blasts from the phantom's blade.
    Conceptually, may I ask your opinion? Especially on the Bankai’s Iaijutsu limitation, versus its level of power (loosely speaking)? Does it cover the hyper-offensive, limited defensive nature appropriately?
    I find the iaijutsu limitation amazing and intriguing. Especially the final seal that doesn't allow the sword to be drawn at all. That's beyond limited defense to near defenseless. Hope it has a really tough scabbard. Also, that the user has really good houhou skill. It covers it more than appropriately to the point of daring.
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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #73

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Fri Sep 01, 2017 3:57 am

    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:08 pm
    Takemikazushi: A Short double Kodachi swords with white hilt as white as snow, neatly placed in its saya this makes it appear as a single sword when inside its sheath.

    Shikai: its release command is Electrify Takemikazushi. An out burst of Lightning springs fort as Aoshi is cloaked in Black lightning as well as his sword also cloaked.

    Thunder Clap: Aoishi builds up electric current in his body for about a period of one post, thus heating up the air in a 15 meters radius around him, which in turns creates a thunder clap that can neutralize 1/4th of his highest cast able strength as well as cause temporary numbness to the body.

    Raijin: The user is capable of manipulating and creating Lightning from the extension of his zanpackutō and shoot lightning beams from any part of his body. Aoshi has a strong connection to his surrounding as his senses becomes Heightened being capable of viewing surrounding electricity. It improves his innate speed by cloaking his body in electricity which may also serve as an extended armor with its strength alone capable of withstanding an attack equivalent to half of Aoshi's highest cast able strength.

    Name: Prejudgment
    Element: Cloud
    Type: Active
    Description: The user has the ability to influence the cloud as well as manipulate it. Channelling a portion of his reiatsu into this ability, it allows him to shoot down concentrated bolts of lightning from the clouds at a 15m radius create hails, rainfall as well as a mini storm over a 15m area, to mention but a few. It is however noted to be reiatsu consuming depending on the amount of lightning brought down from the clouds, the same is applicable to the mini storm and rainfall.

    Name: Final Judgement
    Type: Active
    Element: Cloud/Lightning
    Description: The cloud changes as thousands bolts of electricity converge around the clouds. This charges for a period of 5posts as the weather changes almost as if a storm is about to happen, this is where all the lightning converges to a single point. 
    It is released after the specified charged up process is complete and the lightning fully charged up ergo releasing millions of lightning bolts around a 30meter area this is however tied to his highest cast able Kidō spell. which is why it can only be used once a spar.

    This was the former names of my Zanpakutō

    Added in 56 seconds:
    Vladkre33 wrote:
    Thu Apr 20, 2017 2:19 pm
    Itachi your zanpakutou Is Approved.

    But I will be keeping a close eye on your activities to make sure it is used as written.

    This was the approval from Vlad.....

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #74

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:03 am

    Vladkre33 wrote:
    Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:18 pm
    Raijin: The user is capable of manipulating and creating Lightning from the extension of his zanpackutō and shoot lightning beams from any part of his body. Aoshi has a strong connection to his surrounding as his senses becomes Heightened being capable of viewing surrounding electricity. It improves his innate speed by cloaking his body in electricity which may also serve as an extended armor with its strength alone capable of withstanding an attack equivalent to half of Aoshi's highest cast able strength.
    As I've made abundently clear Itachi. The Red is unacceptable. Your speed cannot be enhanced in shikai. Remove this from your zan or I will continue to deny it.

    The rest of the zan is now okay.

    But until you remove any enhancement to your stats, this is DENIED.
    Moderator Message:
    Itachi, you have now been asked several times to completely remove the same aspect from your zanpakutou. You have since then, only changed things slightly, in the hopes of getting them passed. Vlad has made his stance beyond clear on each occasion and you've consistently failed to comply.

    I'm stepping in here to say that if you fail again to remove the offending aspect of the zanpakutou you will be temporarily barred from posting here again for simply not listening to a reasonable request. It's a waste of time to have to review a zanpakutou for the same thing over and over again. So please listen and act on all future requests accordingly.
    - Asano


    This was where Vlad said the rest of my abilities was okay save for Raijin which he had problems with before finally approving it .

    Added in 4 minutes 10 seconds:
    Takemikazushi: A Short double Kodachi swords with white hilt as white as snow, neatly placed in its saya this makes it appear as a single sword when inside its sheath.

    Shikai:its release command is Electrify Takemikazushi. An out burst of Lightning springs fort as Aoshi is cloaked in Black lightning as well as his sword also cloaked.

    Thunder Clap: Aoishi builds up electric current in his body for about a period of one post, thus heating up the air in a 15 meters radius around him, which in turns creates a thunder clap that can neutralize 1/4th of his highest cast able strength as well as cause temporary numbness to the body.

    Raijin: The user is capable of manipulating and creating Lightning from the extension of his zanpackutō and shoot lightning beams from any part of his body. Aoshi has a strong connection to his surrounding as his senses becomes Heightened being capable of viewing surrounding electricity. By cloaking his body in electricity which serves as an extended armor with its strength alone capable of withstanding an attack equivalent to half of Aoshi's highest cast able strength.

    Name: Haven
    Element: Cloud
    Type: Active
    Description: The user has the ability to influence the cloud as well as manipulate it. Channelling a portion of his reiatsu into this ability, it allows him to shoot down concentrated bolts of lightning from the clouds at a 15m radius create hails, rainfall as well as a mini storm over a 15m area, to mention but a few. It is however noted to be reiatsu consuming depending on the amount of lightning brought down from the clouds, the same is applicable to the mini storm and rainfall.

    Name: Zeus Might
    Type: Active
    Element: Cloud/Lightning
    Description: The cloud changes as thousands bolts of electricity converge around the clouds. This charges for a period of 5posts as the weather changes almost as if a storm is about to happen, this is where all the lightning converges to a single point.
    It is released after the specified charged up process is complete and the lightning fully charged ergo releasing millions of lightning bolts around a 30meter area this is however tied to his highest cast able Kidō spell. which is why it can only be used once a spar.

    [/INDENT][/FONT]


    This is the same zanpakutō with different names as the once previously approved. Haven and Zeus Might was changed from Final Judgement and Prejudgement


    Kishin (demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy that appears constant in a cloaked form of his person, Increasing his manipulation of lightning to vast lengths. A side effect is the even more excited state of his body cells at their most basic level, causing further increased to his innate speed and reflexes to be awakened in him. With this ability, he can channel and concentrate large of said energy into any part of his body or objects he is in contact with, either for defensive or offensive purposes, and it includes been able to fire off amounts and superior interactions with external electric fields, the conveyance extends to great distances.

    ame:: Tenbatsu(Heaven's Wrath)
    ability:Lightning
    Type: Active
    Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.


    The two abilities above are the abilities I wanted to swap with Thunderclap and Raijin

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #75

    Post by Silverdrake » Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:07 am

    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:11 pm
    For Tenbatsu I don't turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:38 pm
    Aoshi can also take the form of lightning
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:00 am
    Aoshi can also take the form of lightning
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:37 pm
    superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am
    No, in Tenbatsu Aoshi becomes the embodiment of lightning as his whole body acts as a tank, container, reservoir of lightning....e.t.c

    I think the better answer to your question about the superior spatial version of Aoshi's body is that in Tenbatsu my environment becomes my body, so every particle within it is at my absolute control, including me
    Same BS, different wording.

    Yes one can have complete control over all electric particles depending on the right situation and how it occurred this gives room for the person to be able to create lightning out of thin air.
    No, one cannot. As in are not allowed to; will never get permission to. Whether "particles" or "electric particles" you want to control all matter in your environment. If you don't see the god-mode in this, go have a discussion with your Captain about it.

    And if you're going to deny that this is what you've been asking for, then word it so it does not sound like a bunch of god-mode BS.
    It doesn't generate clouds. It makes use of the already existing clouds that Haven brings.
    Which you also specifically denied.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am
    Haven isn't needed in this case and also doesn't require its activation of the clouds as Aoshi can already relate to it and make it his own.

    Kishin doesn't allow Aoshi to turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:19 pm
    Kishin(demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy


    Lightning comes with speed, saying that not allowing lightning speed is funny because it is the same thing as not allowing fire heat. If you like tell all fire users that they cannot have heat....there are certain things that comes with certain elements.
    Fire has heat because it is fire. Lightning has speed because it is lightning. Aoshi is not lightning. And, for the final time, no speed or other stat boosts are allowed in shikai. Asano has warned you about this three times. Your Captain has confirmed it.

    Now I have said many times, Tenbatsu is a replacement of Thunderclap.....and Kishin is a replacement of Raijin.
    You did note that on Kishin. However....

    First post of Tenbatsu. No mention of Thunderclap.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:22 pm
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:21 pm
    Active ability of what? If this is a change from an approved ability, post the approved version (with release level), then the requested change after it.
    This is not an approved ability, it was just made hours ago.
    I asked specifically if this was a change to an approved ability, and you said it was an all-new ability. No mention of Thunderclap.

    Until this post, no mention of Thunderclap has ever been in connection with Tenbatsu. If you're going to get on a high horse and lecture, make sure the lie isn't searchable.

    This not like Tenbatsu Negates any ability that is under the direct control of an opponent. In Tenbatsu Aoshi's body becomes fully enveloped with lightning.... Note he doesn't transform into lightning.
    Then post a write-up that makes that clear, instead of filled with weasel-wording god-mode BS. You were getting close here. Instead of removing the objectionable parts to create an approvable ability, you went off on further tangents.

    Again your misunderstanding the concept of convert his body into a massive store of condensed lightning that appears as a CLOAK on his person. This did not say it transforms Aoshi into lightning. It says that Aoshi's body stores the lightning, his body becomes a reservoir of electricity. That is cloaked on his body.....just like Raikags' 4th Raikage.....notice that 4th Raikage's body is cloaked in Lightning.
    Your wording leads to "misunderstanding" ... if that's what it really is, rather than you claiming it to try to sneak OP BS past the reviewer.

    I already gave you a balanced outline for your zan that allows you to do most of what you want.
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:11 pm
    Instead of cloud/lightning make the element storm. Have the clouds form on the activation of the shikai and be the basis for all the other abilities.

    Ability 1: Aoshi could have heightened senses for anything under the clouds.

    Ability 2: Rewrite Haven to charge the area so that Aoshi could create lightning from any affected surface.

    Ability 3: He could draw lightning from the clouds to form armor (at a reasonable level) and restore it after it's been damaged by an attack.

    Ability 4: Then after 5 posts, Zeus! BOOM!

    That would be a cohesive and non-OP shikai with plenty of versatility and room for expansion to bankai. As Asano said, what you have right now is a mess.
    Instead, you keep coming back with more and more OP ridiculousness that will never be approved.
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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #76

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:21 am

    Silverdrake wrote:
    Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:07 am
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:11 pm
    For Tenbatsu I don't turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 3:38 pm
    Aoshi can also take the form of lightning
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 25, 2017 10:00 am
    Aoshi can also take the form of lightning
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:37 pm
    superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am
    No, in Tenbatsu Aoshi becomes the embodiment of lightning as his whole body acts as a tank, container, reservoir of lightning....e.t.c

    I think the better answer to your question about the superior spatial version of Aoshi's body is that in Tenbatsu my environment becomes my body, so every particle within it is at my absolute control, including me
    Same BS, different wording.

    Yes one can have complete control over all electric particles depending on the right situation and how it occurred this gives room for the person to be able to create lightning out of thin air.
    No, one cannot. As in are not allowed to; will never get permission to. Whether "particles" or "electric particles" you want to control all matter in your environment. If you don't see the god-mode in this, go have a discussion with your Captain about it.

    And if you're going to deny that this is what you've been asking for, then word it so it does not sound like a bunch of god-mode BS.
    It doesn't generate clouds. It makes use of the already existing clouds that Haven brings.
    Which you also specifically denied.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:01 am
    Haven isn't needed in this case and also doesn't require its activation of the clouds as Aoshi can already relate to it and make it his own.

    Kishin doesn't allow Aoshi to turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:19 pm
    Kishin(demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy


    Lightning comes with speed, saying that not allowing lightning speed is funny because it is the same thing as not allowing fire heat. If you like tell all fire users that they cannot have heat....there are certain things that comes with certain elements.
    Fire has heat because it is fire. Lightning has speed because it is lightning. Aoshi is not lightning. And, for the final time, no speed or other stat boosts are allowed in shikai. Asano has warned you about this three times. Your Captain has confirmed it.

    Now I have said many times, Tenbatsu is a replacement of Thunderclap.....and Kishin is a replacement of Raijin.
    You did note that on Kishin. However....

    First post of Tenbatsu. No mention of Thunderclap.
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:22 pm
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:21 pm
    Active ability of what? If this is a change from an approved ability, post the approved version (with release level), then the requested change after it.
    This is not an approved ability, it was just made hours ago.
    I asked specifically if this was a change to an approved ability, and you said it was an all-new ability. No mention of Thunderclap.

    Until this post, no mention of Thunderclap has ever been in connection with Tenbatsu. If you're going to get on a high horse and lecture, make sure the lie isn't searchable.

    This not like Tenbatsu Negates any ability that is under the direct control of an opponent. In Tenbatsu Aoshi's body becomes fully enveloped with lightning.... Note he doesn't transform into lightning.
    Then post a write-up that makes that clear, instead of filled with weasel-wording god-mode BS. You were getting close here. Instead of removing the objectionable parts to create an approvable ability, you went off on further tangents.

    Again your misunderstanding the concept of convert his body into a massive store of condensed lightning that appears as a CLOAK on his person. This did not say it transforms Aoshi into lightning. It says that Aoshi's body stores the lightning, his body becomes a reservoir of electricity. That is cloaked on his body.....just like Raikags' 4th Raikage.....notice that 4th Raikage's body is cloaked in Lightning.
    Your wording leads to "misunderstanding" ... if that's what it really is, rather than you claiming it to try to sneak OP BS past the reviewer.

    I already gave you a balanced outline for your zan that allows you to do most of what you want.
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:11 pm
    Instead of cloud/lightning make the element storm. Have the clouds form on the activation of the shikai and be the basis for all the other abilities.

    Ability 1: Aoshi could have heightened senses for anything under the clouds.

    Ability 2: Rewrite Haven to charge the area so that Aoshi could create lightning from any affected surface.

    Ability 3: He could draw lightning from the clouds to form armor (at a reasonable level) and restore it after it's been damaged by an attack.

    Ability 4: Then after 5 posts, Zeus! BOOM!

    That would be a cohesive and non-OP shikai with plenty of versatility and room for expansion to bankai. As Asano said, what you have right now is a mess.
    Instead, you keep coming back with more and more OP ridiculousness that will never be approved.
    OK, if you want to start of been rude and all, and if you cannot review or make a sentence without passing on Hate....ask Asano you have the wrong guy to to be rude to. And instead of you admitting that you have ZERO knowledge of whatever the hell you are doing here save us all the stress and headaches, you keep rambling on about how much little knowledge you have shown that you have. I mean it says it all....what lie? How many times am I gonna have to prove you wrong? Haven't you had enough yet? I won't waste anymore time on this.

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #77

    Post by Silverdrake » Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:11 am

    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:03 am
    Kishin (demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy that appears constant in a cloaked form of his person, Increasing his manipulation of lightning to vast lengths. A side effect is the even more excited state of his body cells at their most basic level, causing further increased to his innate speed and reflexes to be awakened in him. With this ability, he can channel and concentrate large of said energy into any part of his body or objects he is in contact with, either for defensive or offensive purposes, and it includes been able to fire off amounts and superior interactions with external electric fields, the conveyance extends to great distances.
    For the nth time, this is not allowed in shikai.
    As I already said:
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:11 pm
    With extensive re-write and refinement, this MIGHT become acceptable for a bankai ability. It is totally unacceptable for a shikai ability.
    If you want to replace Raijin, find a way to word this that isn't OP. And doesn't violate the rules for shikai.
    ame:: Tenbatsu(Heaven's Wrath)
    ability:Lightning
    Type: Active
    Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.
    Find another way to word this that doesn't sound as if he's controlling all the matter around him.


    You already have an OP ability that was (somehow) approved:
    Raijin: The user is capable of manipulating and creating Lightning from the extension of his zanpackutō and shoot lightning beams from any part of his body. Aoshi has a strong connection to his surrounding as his senses becomes Heightened being capable of viewing surrounding electricity. By cloaking his body in electricity which serves as an extended armor with its strength alone capable of withstanding an attack equivalent to half of Aoshi's highest cast able strength.
    From your profile:
    "He possesses advanced knowledge of Kidō application and consistency, being able to cast all numbered spells"

    This means that Raijin's armor can tank all attacks up to level 50 kidou-equivalent. With no degradation to the armor and no cost to maintain it. And you want to replace it with something even more powerful. :roll:

    Dumbledot's character Gai had armor like this on his bankai. But his took damage and he had to expend reiatsu to repair it.
    . . . . . .Ginshitora Tatsuki . . . . . .
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    Akugaranwa Itachi
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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #78

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:24 am

    Silverdrake wrote:
    Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:11 am
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Sep 01, 2017 4:03 am
    Kishin (demon god): This ability converts all of Aoshi's body into a store of massive volume of highly condensed lightning energy that appears constant in a cloaked form of his person, Increasing his manipulation of lightning to vast lengths. A side effect is the even more excited state of his body cells at their most basic level, causing further increased to his innate speed and reflexes to be awakened in him. With this ability, he can channel and concentrate large of said energy into any part of his body or objects he is in contact with, either for defensive or offensive purposes, and it includes been able to fire off amounts and superior interactions with external electric fields, the conveyance extends to great distances.
    For the nth time, this is not allowed in shikai.
    As I already said:
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:11 pm
    With extensive re-write and refinement, this MIGHT become acceptable for a bankai ability. It is totally unacceptable for a shikai ability.
    If you want to replace Raijin, find a way to word this that isn't OP. And doesn't violate the rules for shikai.
    ame:: Tenbatsu(Heaven's Wrath)
    ability:Lightning
    Type: Active
    Description: If Aoshi employs his Shikai for a certain amount of time, which varies according to the level of use, the formation of clouds in his vicinity stabilizes and every free particles below the black clouds become eventually charged such that he has complete dominion over their polarities allowing him Tenbatsu. This allows him to generate electric energy from thin air, effectively converting the space around him into superior spatial version of his body; an enormous reservoir of electricity that he is one with and governs.
    Find another way to word this that doesn't sound as if he's controlling all the matter around him.


    You already have an OP ability that was (somehow) approved:
    Raijin: The user is capable of manipulating and creating Lightning from the extension of his zanpackutō and shoot lightning beams from any part of his body. Aoshi has a strong connection to his surrounding as his senses becomes Heightened being capable of viewing surrounding electricity. By cloaking his body in electricity which serves as an extended armor with its strength alone capable of withstanding an attack equivalent to half of Aoshi's highest cast able strength.
    From your profile:
    "He possesses advanced knowledge of Kidō application and consistency, being able to cast all numbered spells"

    This means that Raijin's armor can tank all attacks up to level 50 kidou-equivalent. With no degradation to the armor and no cost to maintain it. And you want to replace it with something even more powerful. :roll:

    Dumbledot's character Gai had armor like this on his bankai. But his took damage and he had to expend reiatsu to repair it.

    I am tired of going back and forth with you. The very fact that I did not state the reiatsu cost on that ability doesn't mean that it isn't reiatsu tasking to constantly keep it on.

    OP? Do I have the impression that you are scared? I can name 5 characters here on MAV that are OP.

    Complete dominion over the polarities how does that become matter control for God's sake?

    OK been able to tank attacks less than 50 is now OP? My God....what would you say about yours?

    And again, with some elements things come naturally. Speed comes with lightning, just as Fire comes with heat.

    Aoshi's body is a tank that generates electricity that he controls as he deems fit.....don't see why your still crying about it.


    OK, if I am to get this straight, as a Lightning user....I am not allowed control over the polarities of the electrical particles? Funny.

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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #79

    Post by Silverdrake » Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:29 am

    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:21 am
    OK, if you want to start of been rude and all, and if you cannot review or make a sentence without passing on Hate....ask Asano you have the wrong guy to to be rude to. And instead of you admitting that you have ZERO knowledge of whatever the hell you are doing here save us all the stress and headaches, you keep rambling on about how much little knowledge you have shown that you have. I mean it says it all....what lie? How many times am I gonna have to prove you wrong? Haven't you had enough yet? I won't waste anymore time on this.
    Too bad I didn't see this before I wasted yet more time on your proposed abilities.

    Start being rude?
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Mon Apr 24, 2017 3:16 pm
    I have made some changes....and I hope this can put down your fears....lol
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Thu Apr 27, 2017 11:29 pm
    Forgive sir but, this is wrong. Because if I am to follow your logic, then I must say, you cannot Roleplay against an individual with Shunpo master specialist, because according to you, he cannot be touched. Can a Shunpo master specialist be touched? Also, back in Bam, I see different people moving at a speed far greater than this, but that doesn't make them as untouchable as you may make it appear.

    Am sorry but, in its write up, it clearly says that Aoshi cannot be caught in a surprise.....Out maneuvering only comes in play when against an opponent he is faster than....
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Apr 28, 2017 6:00 am
    With all due respect.....Since when has it been stated that I cannot voice out my thoughts, just as Vladkre did. This would make it the second time I am being threatened with a ban for speaking. I could have gone directly to my captain for his review, but I chose to do it here publicly unlike some of the leaders here who creates abilities without having it reviewed. I am sorry Asano but you can't force an opinion on someone.


    Thank you all very much, but I am pretty much done with the review......
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:22 pm
    Silverdrake wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:21 pm
    What is "To be activated after the completion of 3post count."?
    Tenbetsu gets activated after a 3post count is done.(am sure you already knew this).
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:11 pm
    For Tenbatsu I don't turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.

    Kishin doesn't allow Aoshi to turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.
    As for you not wasting any more time on this, you've been wasting our time since you arrived in this thread.
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    Akugaranwa Itachi
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    Re: [7th Division] Zanpakutou Review

    #80

    Post by Akugaranwa Itachi » Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:33 am

    Silverdrake wrote:
    Sat Sep 02, 2017 11:29 am
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:21 am
    OK, if you want to start of been rude and all, and if you cannot review or make a sentence without passing on Hate....ask Asano you have the wrong guy to to be rude to. And instead of you admitting that you have ZERO knowledge of whatever the hell you are doing here save us all the stress and headaches, you keep rambling on about how much little knowledge you have shown that you have. I mean it says it all....what lie? How many times am I gonna have to prove you wrong? Haven't you had enough yet? I won't waste anymore time on this.
    Too bad I didn't see this before I wasted yet more time on your proposed abilities.

    Start being rude?
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Mon Apr 24, 2017 3:16 pm
    I have made some changes....and I hope this can put down your fears....lol
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Thu Apr 27, 2017 11:29 pm
    Forgive sir but, this is wrong. Because if I am to follow your logic, then I must say, you cannot Roleplay against an individual with Shunpo master specialist, because according to you, he cannot be touched. Can a Shunpo master specialist be touched? Also, back in Bam, I see different people moving at a speed far greater than this, but that doesn't make them as untouchable as you may make it appear.

    Am sorry but, in its write up, it clearly says that Aoshi cannot be caught in a surprise.....Out maneuvering only comes in play when against an opponent he is faster than....
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Apr 28, 2017 6:00 am
    With all due respect.....Since when has it been stated that I cannot voice out my thoughts, just as Vladkre did. This would make it the second time I am being threatened with a ban for speaking. I could have gone directly to my captain for his review, but I chose to do it here publicly unlike some of the leaders here who creates abilities without having it reviewed. I am sorry Asano but you can't force an opinion on someone.


    Thank you all very much, but I am pretty much done with the review......
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:22 pm

    Tenbetsu gets activated after a 3post count is done.(am sure you already knew this).
    Akugaranwa Itachi wrote:
    Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:11 pm
    For Tenbatsu I don't turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.

    Kishin doesn't allow Aoshi to turn into lightning, I don't know what gave you that idea.
    As for you not wasting any more time on this, you've been wasting our time since you arrived in this thread.

    We finally agree on something..... lol

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